The Friendships The X-Files Built
Fandom. Oh, that word just trips off my tongue and soothes me at my most frazzled moments. Over the years, I’ve been drawn to a handful of fandoms, typically those a little bit obscure or less-than-mainstream. Honestly, I don’t know how to have a favorite television show without also dipping my toe in some aspect of the fandom. Through it all, these fandoms of have led me to some of the best and most supportive people I’ve ever known.
As an only child and a bit of an weirdo outsider in my teenage life (that pesky IRL), fandom helped me realize that while I was a bit of an odd duck in Southeastern Ohio, there were other people just like me out in the world. People who loved TV with a death grip and who wanted to chat about the motivations of fictional characters in scenes that lasted anywhere from ninety seconds to a three-episode arc. Spending hours upon hours on fandom message boards also helped me develop practical skills: I can find my way through Photoshop and can manage some handy website coding, all thanks to fanart contests. While explaining the set-up for a secured FTP site the other day, I realized I’d first figured out file-transferring at the age of fifteen while downloading RealMedia music videos of my all-time favorite ship, Special Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. It was a surreal moment.
My first foray into a fandom centered on The X-Files and the alien-seeking FBI agents. I had always appreciated the show, but in a weird periphery sort of way. When it premiered in 1993, my parents thought it was too scary for their 9-year-old, so I didn’t actually watch an episode until five years later. But thanks to our weekly TVGuide subscription and my habit of reading it cover to cover (including the movie blurbs in the back), I knew the basics. I think I fell hard the moment my eyes locked on the cute picture of Gillian Anderson tucked up under David Duchovny’s chin, his coat draped over her shoulders. It was adorable. Sure, I was interested in the characters’ quest to find the truth that was way way out there, but I was also drawn to the bonus angsty will-they-won’t-they factor. Oh, a fangirl never forgets her first ship.
Even at fourteen, I was a big ol’ fan of the angst factor — something that would follow me throughout my television-viewing habits. Want to hook me on a show? Toss in some deeply-rooted character angst, then mix in a healthy dose of unrequited love, and I’m sold. To this day, I like to shout “Thanks Chris Carter!” while hiccupping with sobs as The Mentalist’s Patrick Jane wibbles at the bloody smiley face on the wall of the bedroom where his family was murdered, or when Arrow’s Oliver Queen pretends he isn’t head-over-heels for that wonderful IT girl, claiming it’s for the greater good. I’m sure Carter is pleased with his impact on my psyche.
But The X-Files was more than just foxy Mulder searching for the truth and his sister, it was more than skeptic Scully arching a perfectly plucked eyebrow up at the mention of the chupacabra. Online, it was fanart, fanfic and long discussion threads about what song best suited any given moment in any given episode. If you were struggling with something personal, it was a safe place that was wonderful and supportive. It was more than a chain of screen names and avatars, it was a friend base I didn’t have “IRL.” I no longer felt quite so alone. In between listing out my top five all-time favorite episodes, I found my voice on those boards. I would spend Saturdays participating in these long threads, laughing, crying and happy to have this friend group. It was wonderful.
A handful of those friends became my offline friends, as well. We have transitioned through all the social media changes, from AOL chats, to MySpace, to Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr. Who do I seek out first, if not my The X-Files friends? We are pen pals, creating care packages, sending well wishes, sending our love. We’ve been there through high school graduations, college graduations, and all kinds of big life-upheavals. We have encouraged each other to fight for our own futures, to believe in the best of ourselves. I get a little emotional when I think about the girls we were fifteen years ago, and the women we’ve become. We are writers, artists, educators, and so much more. We are exactly who we were meant to be, who we were becoming when we were trying to understand our places in the world somewhere in between all-caps comments of “Krycek — are you kidding me!?” or “ZOMG, ❤ MSR !!!1”
I can no longer remember our exact friendship origin stories because I can’t remember a time we weren’t friends. I know it happened on The X-Files message boards and that this show is our common language. It’s something we still come back to when we need to regroup or whenever Anderson and Duchovny attempt to kill us with Twitter banter.
Thanks to The X-Files, I learned how to code websites and filter screen grabs, how to rip video and edit clips. I learned how to cope through my awkward teen years and that I wasn’t so alone. I found my voice. But above all, I found these women who will always be my constants, my touchstones.
