The Male-Dominated Workplace Survival Guide

Horrifying marketing story time: just last week, a craft brewery sent out their hand job-themed beer (complete with an illustration of a box of tissues and a geisha on the back) with bottles of lotion to beer journalists. I’m going to make an assumption and say that there were probably no female beer marketers consulted in that decision.

Now, luckily for me, I’m not surrounded by old-guard Don Draper misogynists or immature sexists like that, but it’s still fucking hard to be a lady in craft beer. So, if you’ve ever looked around your office and wondered where all the other women were, let me tell you, I feel for you — and I made you a Survival Guide!

These each come with a heaping dose of Your Mileage May Vary, and are more aimed at keeping yourself sane than climbing up the corporate ladder — though I happen to think one is pretty necessary for the other.

Do the Job You’re Paid For

Are you an assistant? If not: don’t clean up the conference room (unless you messed it up). Don’t get anyone coffee. Women are socialized to be caretakers, but you’re not your coworkers’ mom, and you’re not their maid. I’m guilty of taking this to an extreme occasionally — I answer every question about printers, office supplies or lunch orders with “I don’t know, that’s probably a question for X.” Why? Because on my first day of work, which was also the first day for the male administrative assistant, at least four people automatically assumed that I was the admin assistant. The deck is already stacked against you. It may seem harsh, but I want people to focus on and know me for the work that I’m being paid to do, and the work that I’m proud of.

Have a Work Friend

I have two. They are really, really incredible, and I’m very lucky. A support system outside of work is great, but it’s insanely helpful to be able to vent to the people who already know the intricacies of your workplace, and who won’t tell you that it’s “just a nine-to-five.”

Get Over the Idea of Being Buddies With Your Boss

I didn’t even know this was A Thing until I watched how my male coworkers interacted with my boss, and noticed that it was an entirely different dynamic. Why didn’t I get to be jocular and casual with my boss? Here’s one of those things that you can’t rail against, and you probably won’t be able to change. That kind of relationship is not going to materialize — luckily for you, it doesn’t particularly matter, anyway. Regardless of how friendly my boss is with my male coworkers, we all get judged on our work the same way. (If that’s not the case, that’s when you complain to HR.)

Ignore the Urge To Try and Play Ball — or Any Other Sports Metaphors

Question time: Do you and your female coworkers share all the same hobbies? Probably not. So you don’t need to give yourself a crash course in sports or NASCAR or any other stereotypical “male” pastimes in order to get along with your male coworkers. By all means, if Aussie-rules football is piquing your interest, go forth and learn more about it! But if you don’t care, I can tell you from experience, not knowing who or what the Nets are is not going to hurt you in the long run.

Ditch Every Piece of Clothing That Does Not Make You Feel Your Very Best

While researching this piece I saw so many (well-intentioned, I’m sure) columns telling women to wear clothes a size up in order to not distract your male coworkers. Fuck That Noise. Your male colleagues can do better, and so can you. The only thing I’ll tell you to do with your clothing is to consider it emotional armor. Ditch every piece of clothing that doesn’t make you feel confident and capable — or wear that stuff outside the office. I get ready for work like I’m going to war. Figure out what works for you — is it fit and flare dresses? Combat boots? Jeans and a blazer? I feel like I’m killing it when I wear coated denim, cashmere sweaters and bold lipstick. So I do it a lot — especially on Mondays (to kick my week off right) and Wednesdays (when we have department-wide meetings). If anyone questions your fashion choices, repeat after me:

“I didn’t realize tailoring my appearance to please you was part of my job description. If there is truly an issue here, please speak to HR.”

Talk Yourself Up

I jokingly posted on Twitter this December that what I really wanted for Christmas was, as @moscaddie says, “the self-confidence of a truly mediocre white man.” It didn’t happen, but it’s still true.

I’d love, for maybe half a day, to have the self-assuredness of the dudes I work with and send a company-wide email inviting all my coworkers to check out something I’ve been doing in my spare time.

I’m not there yet, but I’ve gotten better about talking myself up when it comes to work. In my purely anecdotal experience, men are more likely to speak often and loudly about their accomplishments — you should to, you shining star, you! During weekly meetings with my boss, I make sure to outline the things I’ve accomplished. Even if you’re not going to shout it from the top of your cubicle, there’s nothing better than listing your conquests to yourself for a quick pep talk. (PS: You’re kicking ass!)

Ask for What You Want

My work friends, mentioned above, and I were sitting in a conference room with our HR manager going over paperwork when, pretty apropos of nothing, she told us to “make sure you ask for what you want. Women never ask.” I’m going to trust her — she came from a much larger company than ours. So, is it an intern? An assistant? An expense account? A raise? (Shoutout to this article, which is amazing and perfect if that’s what you’re thinking about.) You need to ask. You need to stop being shy about asking. Remind yourself: you are working hard. You’re worth whatever you’re asking for — and probably a lot more than that!