The Secret Of The Steps

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. The crazy part is, some of you peeps are probably already in on it. It’s going to help you open your heart, connect with others and get very comfortable with your own past, present and future. Interested? Read on, and keep that beautiful mind of yours wide open!

So to begin, how much do you know about the 12 Steps? Until recently, I knew next to nothing. “Something, something, rehab.” I’ve since educated myself and am here to pass on a bit of my understanding; I do not claim to be an expert, so If you have any additional thoughts or suggestions, I would love to read them in the comments section.

The 12 Steps are a popular way to pursue recovery, which is defined as “a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.” Often, people seek recovery from addiction to drugs and alcohol, but addiction (ugh, aka THE DEVIL) has many faces. Gambling, eating and sex are some common ones. I bet you can think of someone who is addicted to another person (codependency). Sometimes, in order to return to a normal state of mind, we even need to recover from our own volatile emotions. This is the example we’ll run with. RUN WITH ME, FRIEND!

Step 1: We (the over-emotional) admitted we were powerless over our emotions — that our lives had become unmanageable.

Maybe you’re already turned off. “Powerless? I’m a strong, powerful woman and you’re gonna hear me roar!” Don’t get caught up in the verbiage. We’re not addicts, so this step is really just about admitting there’s a problem. Yes, I admit that I can be bat-shit crazy sometimes. Yes, my emotions have gotten in the way sometimes.

Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

No matter what name you give your God (The Universe, Allah, Mother Nature, Yahweh, Lord), this step is just accepting that there is one. That sort of goes hand-in-hand with the acceptance that there is meaning to this life, and that we all have purpose. That’s not such a bad idea, right?

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood [Her, Him, It, They, whatever!]

This is where our purpose comes into play. Imagine that the Universe, er, God, has a plan for each of us. Every day we have a chance to be the best person we can be, and live up to that full potential — that, which is necessary to *live our best lives*. When I completed this step, I felt the change in my whole body. And now when I meditate (AKA tap into God’s energy), I feel that same rush of universal acknowledgment. I genuinely want to make the Universe proud of me and what I’m accomplishing.

Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Step 4 is crucial to understanding your SELF, and why you are the way you are. It helps to write it all down. EVERYTHING. What/who makes you angry? Upset? Fearful? Does it really have to do with that person, or is it something that you can change about your reaction and expectations? Objectively consider your core memories. What moments affected you the most, and why? Explore the possibility that you might be holding onto things that are better left behind. Seriously, write it all out. Write like no one will ever read it (which they shouldn’t). A large part of this step is to stop scrutinizing others. Don’t blame someone else for your behavior. Don’t go easy on yourself, just because your friends act the same way and always have. Be brutal, be honest, be brave!!

Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

So now that we’ve explored our selves, it’s time to get REAL REAL. You will realize, through your writing, that you are actually a large source of your own pain and suffering. Whaaat? No, really, it’s true. You’ll see. But it’s not enough to tell yourself or to pray on it. You really need to talk it out with a loved one, probably the person who is most directly affected by your emotional reactions. This isn’t a discussion — it’s a confession, and it’s necessary in order to move forward.

Step 6: We’re entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Are you still instigating office gossip? Are you still expecting more from your significant other than you’re willing to give them? Are you still blaming all your problems on your dad walking out on the family? Are you still letting envy rather than ambition motivate you? You’re not ready. Keep writing, and then come back to Step 6.

Step 7: Humbly asked [God] to remove our shortcomings.

Congratulations! You’re finally ready. You’ve accepted your true self, are ready to be the best, least toxic person you can be and are another step closer to pure joy. Nobody’s perfect, and we’re all human, but Step 3 will make things easier.

Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

More writing! It’s so healthy. You already know what your shortcomings are (I MEAN *WERE*, THANKS FOR REMOVING THEM GOD), so it won’t be a far stretch to think about who your shortcomings had effected.

Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

A good way to start is by writing each of those harmed people a letter. Just sort out your thoughts regarding that person and your history. Then you can fully explain to them why you acted the way you did. Relate how you have changed. The damage is done, but you’re moving forward and hope that they can too. This step will change your life. It may even change your posture. You will walk around feeling lighter, having released the burdens of your baggage.

Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Hey, like I said, nobody’s perfect. This is just a little checkpoint to bring us back to center. There’s going to be a lot of Step 10s. We know inherently what the universe expects from us, wants for us. It feels good to be humble and call ourselves out when we’ve strayed from our *righteous path*.

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood (It, Her, Him, Them, etc.) praying only for knowledge of (His, Her) will for us and the power to carry that out.

This is really good to do in the morning. When we begin the day consciously tapping into the Universe, we center ourselves to God’s will. What would you have me do today? What are my goals, and how will I actively pursue them? How will I help a friend or a stranger? How will I keep myself from purposely tripping idiots on the stairs when they walk on the wrong side? How will I control myself from calling people idiots, when they are probably just a tiny bit clueless? It’s also really good to reflect at the end of the day, to see how well you did.

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

By Step 12, you understand how far you’ve come and you cannot help but notice the positive changes in your life, and the ripple effect those changes have. You will be especially pained by the suffering you see all around you. These people are God-less! They are petty! They are greedy! They are confused! They are LOST! It’s okay. They are on their own path. You can gently femsplain (not preach) your personal experience, and try relating how they might benefit as well from the 12 Steps if they seem interested. Your disposition and open heart will be all the evidence they’ll need. Shine bright, speak your truth and the attraction will happen naturally.

If you’ve made it this far, I want to buy you a drink, you SUPERSTAR, you! Let’s hit the town and talk about what “God” means to us!

TL;DR

You don’t have to be seeking recovery or addicted to something to use these steps. They’re actually just really useful in getting you to a better place than you are right now. The 12 Steps are not a one-off solution — they’re a lifestyle! You don’t get to Step 12 and find yourself in paradise forever. You DO find yourself much happier and healthier than you were before, which is why you may happily continue to repeat the steps and carry the message.