Two Years Too Late: An Embarrassment In The Making
*Disclaimer: all names have been changed to protect those who have been embarrassed… namely, me, from more embarrassment.*
The realization hit me like a ton of bricks that fell out of the sky. My best friend wanted to be more than friends, and it took me four years to realize it.
Unfortunately, I was also about two years too late.
I was never good at math. The fact that you had to get a specific answer doing one specific method irked me. It wasn’t until sophomore year of high school that it really started to interfere with my grades, and, after a strongly worded exchange between my mother and teacher, it was decided that I would be moved to the front of the class. How embarrassing is it to know your teacher had to change up the seating arrangement just for you?
Anyway, the idea was to place me next to the smartest kid in the room in hopes that some of his genius would rub off on me. That just happened to be Alexander. He would tease me, taking off his glasses and asking me to tell him what his test score was, and so was the beginning of our beautiful friendship.
Throughout my high school career, he would later on help me with Spanish while making fun of my inability to roll my r’s and tutor me in chemistry when I fell behind. In exchange, I would help him in English class. We always met up early before school started, and I would talk to him while he rushed to do his homework. As bright as he was, he wasn’t disciplined enough to do his work. While I struggled and studied all the time to keep my grades up, he passed with flying colors without opening a book. It was our differences that made our friendship so wonderful and aggravating.
We both dated other people frequently, and it always seemed that I caused a problem for his girlfriends. They didn’t like me because I had something that they couldn’t get so easily: his trust and understanding. But I didn’t think anything of it.
I didn’t think anything of it the day a boy made me cry at school and Alexander intervened, telling the guy to stay away from me. He brought me to an empty classroom, stayed with me until I was okay and walked me home.
I didn’t think anything of it when he would spend his anniversaries with me instead of his girlfriends. I would go with him to the flower shop, help him pick out flowers and make sure he went to surprise her with them.
I didn’t think anything of it at prom when he told me I looked beautiful and I had more fun dancing with him for one dance than my date for all the other ones.
It wasn’t until we both went away to college three hours away from each other that I realized how much I missed him. When I received a birthday gift from him, I thought maybe he missed me too.
I was busy pledging a sorority at the time and would talk to him about how stressed out I was between that and keeping up with my school work. He would listen to me even when he was busy keeping up with his rigorous Ivy League courses. It meant a lot to me, and as a thank you, I wanted more than anything to take him to my sorority’s formal. He told me yes, only to later take it back due to the fact that it made his girlfriend uncomfortable. So I went alone.
Fast forward to New Year’s Eve. I was at a gathering with friends when I get a call from Alexander. He wanted to know if I wanted to hang out, since he had an early flight to catch the next day. We ended up having a blast outside looking at the sky when my feelings poured out. He responded by telling me that I was the reason he met his girlfriend. He did like me back in high school, but he didn’t feel that way anymore.
He walked me home and left the country the next day.
I never felt so embarrassed in front of someone I cared for so much. I was too late, and there was nothing I could do to change his mind. He wanted to remain friends, and we tried. He was, after all, my best friend. Ultimately, I decided it was too hard for me, and I walked away.
I wish I could say this story had a happy ending. But Alexander never believed in fairy tales anyway. He was in love with logic: numbers, facts, reality. And we were just an equation that didn’t add up.
