What 2016 Taught Me About Myself

2016 was a tough year. Throughout dealing with what seemed like endless struggle, every tragedy, every fear-driven realization, every foreboding news article, was challenging the way that I thought about myself—my identity.

We change a little bit every year. Our cells die and regrow. In 2016, I changed more visibly. I learned more about myself this year than the last. I want to write down my observations, so next year I can more clearly see my growth as a human being.

Community is everything

Although my career has driven me to community and partnerships (now realizing this is intricately related), I have never been one to form community around the different factors of my identity. I am queer, culturally Jewish, Russian immigrant, vegan, and a (cis) woman. Although those are important aspects of my identity, I haven’t ever sought out to hang out with, learn from, grow with others in my group.

In 2016, I had a bit of an identity crisis. I realized that I was bottling up experiences I’ve had that are related to my unique identity. Since there wasn’t anyone I could relate these to in my circle of friends, I had no-one to talk to about them. I felt alone and struggled to deal with unfolding political events, mostly unmoved or unaware I was surrounded by others in my same position.

Suddenly, I found myself reaching out to queer folks, getting more comfortable with being queer and culturally Jewish, reading Russian language literature, cooking food I used to eat growing up. I immersed myself in community, history, and tradition (both new and old). The sense of stability my identity provided me eased the pain of moving through a tumultuous year where my safety as a person who identifies in this way was challenged by the changing political atmosphere.

2016 has taught me that community is crucial to survival. Having community allows me a sense of protection, friendship, understanding, resources, and love. Each person who participates in community makes the community stronger as a whole. It is how we will get through this year, and the next. Rely and be relied upon—community is everything.

Positivity at work goes a long way

I don’t mean this in the “manifest your best future” type of way. I’ve learned that being positive at the times when you most want to be negative helps turn your experience around—especially at work. It’s easy to get bogged down with “he said this” and “what if this”, especially when gossip helps form bonds with your co-workers. I’ve learned that listening, offering advice, and being positive helps folks feel more confident and grounded, whereas giving into the gossip and negativity only builds instability in your team.

Being positive is hard. It’s easy to complain and assume the worst out of folks who you may not get along with. Setting those thoughts aside and always trying to put yourself in other people’s shoes, as well as reminding yourself that you don’t know what they could be going through outside of work, will give you a sense of relief and letting go. When things are out of your hands, be open minded and positive, and let that move you forward.

In 2017, I will try to be a more positive person. When hurdles come, I will try to be more open minded and focused on what needs to get done. I will try to be there for others more, and put myself into a position to make positive change.

When folks open up, receive them

So often, when folks open up to us, we reject them and go about our own day. Maybe we have a lot on our plate, perhaps we don’t want to talk, or we simply can’t relate to their struggle. Receiving our partners, friends, family, co-workers, when they reach out to us to talk is a sign of understanding, care, and safety.

Although women (and queer folks) usually take up this emotional labor, we should all take the time to be more open to the folks around us. Understanding their struggles will allow us to make deeper connections and form relationships that withstand future issues. Ask how you can help folks with what they’re struggling with. Recognize when someone opens to you and receive them, instead of turning them away. Invite others over for dinner or drinks, recognizing if they’re not in good sorts. Building that good karma with others strengthens your network and relationships, and will come back to you when you need help.

In 2017, I will do better to be there for others, in the hope that I can help just a little bit, even just by lending an ear. Listening to others will allow my empathy and understanding of the world to grow and mature, and in turn, help decide my actions in the future.

The personal is political

In these tumultuous political times, dealing with the landscape has been a process that seems like its own part-time job. It feels like we’re powerless to bring about lasting and meaningful change. If there’s one thing I’ve touched on most in 2016, it’s that the personal is political, and we all have the power to change our surroundings, even by doing small daily actions that help to make the world a little better every day.

If you can’t participate in large protests or take time off work to join actions, you can still help combat negativity. Every day allows us the opportunity to make a statement with our voices, our dollars, and our time. The feeling of fulfillment in having your voice heard is immense, and brings us together as a community. In 2017, I hope to work on all of the following ways politics gets brought a little closer to home:

• If you have the time, volunteer with your local non-profit on the weekends. Bring your kids and make it a day out, teaching the next generation how meaningful it is to donate your time. If you’re in tech, find a non-profit that your company can get behind, and bring everyone along. (Heads up Bostonians!)
• Help spiffy up your local garden or community plot. Get a group together to clean up a park or school playground. These things are noticed, and make an impact on others’ lives, both physically and emotionally. It shows that you care about your community.
• Stand with organizations that are currently under pressure. You can volunteer your skills at Planned Parenthood, for example, or help table for an organization your support.
• Organize an event with a speaker you respect. Ask influential people you know if they’d like to speak about topic you feel is important.
• Get some friends together from different backgrounds to share your experiences on an important topic (poverty, reproductive rights, racism) at your home.
• Buy vegan and sustainable items. Be vocal about why you support certain companies over others. Check out wildlife rescue organizations and orgs that fight for our environment.
• Volunteer your skills—perhaps that’s resume writing, editing, fundraising, drawing, cooking, building, programming, etc. Those skills are needed, valuable, and personal. Teaching others for free (or for trade!) helps strengthen our communities exponentially.
• Point out (and work on) ways you and your workplace can be better for others. Be the person who moves your environment forward.
• Remember that as human beings, we make mistakes, we struggle, we stumble, we have differences of opinion. We are large, and contain multitudes. Always be open to failure, and always opt to get up and try again.

There are so many ways to make personal choices that give back to the community, strengthening our bonds. This year, I’m finding a garden plot to grow food in. In 2017, I’d like to help out at a farm and teach kids how to grow food. Volunteering our skills to grow our connections and strengthen our locales helps make our world the strong, kind, thriving place we want to see for our futures.

Mostly, 2016 has taught me to stick to my values, and mirror the presence I want to see in the world. Kindness, openness, personal growth, and community building are top of mind for me in 2017. I’d love to know how you’ve changed this year, and what your priorities are for the next.