You Don’t Have to Make It Here, But It’s Worth A Shot

In the summer of 2009, a 25-year-old woman, the ink still wet on her graduate degree, puts all her money down on New York City. She ships 10 boxes via FedEx to a tiny room in Brooklyn. She boards a $99 one-way flight from Columbus to New York. Her face hurts from smiling.

In the summer of 2013, a 29-year-old woman shoves everything she owns into a U-Haul that her friend then drives from Brooklyn to Boston because she’s burnt-out and exhausted. They sing Everclear songs at the top of their lungs for three hours. Everything hurts.

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When I was preparing to leave New York in 2013, I shouted to anyone who would listen that I was over it. It just wasn’t working out and I would never return. I was angry and sad and generally unpleasant to be around. I had spent four years effectively pulling myself up by my fashionable bootstraps and I was miserable. I stomped around and rolled my eyes at conversations about the benefits of bee pollen and organic honey while breathing in burnt rubber and subway exhaust. I was above it all, I saw it for what it was. I was Neo in “The Matrix”.

Standing in line at the bodega, I wanted to shake people. “Don’t you see!? You don’t have to pay $4.29 for a half-gallon of milk that isn’t even organic. They sell milk for less in other cities and towns all across this great nation!” But being more of an introvert, I didn’t shake anyone. Instead, I kept my frustration on a low seething boil until it eventually spilled over and sent me to Boston. I didn’t want to go back to my home town in Ohio and my best friend was in Boston with a spare room. It was the best choice. Moving to a different city would allow me time to clear my head and figure out my next steps.

My time in Boston has been soul-soothing. I landed a job in a field I never expected to be a part of and in the process learned just how strong I am. I’ve made some great friends and strengthened already existing relationships. But now that itch is back — the itch to live in that crazy and hectic city that is equal parts unforgiving and supportive. I spent a couple months trying to convince myself this itch was just avoidance of my ex. “No, you don’t want to go back. Remember how miserable you were? Remember the hot garbage smell even in December?”

But New York has a strange hold over me. Maybe it’s the rhythmic lull of train cars passing underneath. Maybe it’s the fact that my heart always pounds when I’m flying into or out of New York, looking down on those lovely city lights. Maybe in my mess of rage and sadness, I didn’t take the time to appreciate the little things — like having three drugstores at every intersection on the off-chance you need emergency nail polish remover or a grapefruit seltzer.

So after spending many months thinking about moving back to New York and making a pro/con list, I officially decided to take the plunge. Or rather, take the plunge again. But at 31, I’m too old to go back into this with the same carefree attitude I had six years ago. I’m a little bit wiser now, too. I know exactly what it’s like to live in that chaotic mess. And so this time, I have a few stipulations and requirements before I go all-out crazy, this second time around:

An Apartment With More Than Two Windows

Natural light is an important factor for maintaining a healthy life. Take it from me: without it, your circadian rhythm gets all out of whack, and everything else sort of falls apart. I lost track of days while living in an apartment with two narrow windows all the way at the back: one in the bathroom, and one in my roommate’s bedroom. When friends would visit, I’d tuck them up in my room and they’d stumble out, 12 or 14 hours later, dazed and confused, asking, “How do you live like this?” The lack of light no doubt added to my grumpy “over it” demeanor. Plus, when living in a city with one of the greatest views, being able to see said view is a must.

One Job, And Only One Job (Well, Maybe Some Freelance Work, Too)

It’s difficult to live in New York on one paycheck (unless you’re a stockbroker or something, probably). There have been many a New York Times article covering the financial struggle of the millennial generation, forging ahead without the clear-cut career path of previous generations. Health insurance is a nice wish. Paid vacation days are unheard of. Sick days? Ha!

I spent the first two years of my time in New York working seven days a week. I worked my barely-pays-the-bills job for five days (including weekends) while spending Tuesdays and Thursdays interning at a film nonprofit. Once the internship transitioned into a paid gig, I was able to cut back on my days spent at the bill-paying gig. But I was still a spread out too thin. An inconsistent work-week left me frazzled and responding to texts and emails for both jobs at all hours. It was, in short, terrible. When casually mentioning my possible move to my friends their immediate responses were unanimously “But just one job, right? Please. Just one.” Wow. Yeah, I guess I wasn’t the only affected by all that stress.

Time To Explore the City, Particularly Above 26th Street

I didn’t do much exploring during my four years in New York (probably because I was working seven days a week for a large chunk of it). But this time, as someone who will be well-rested and hopefully have weekends free, I’ll be able to explore. It’s easy to develop a comfortable radius in the city, typically near work or home. There are restaurants, bars and shops that are a regular stop. It’s warm and familiar. It’s wonderful. But this time, I want to push myself outside of that radius. I want to hit all the museums I wanted to go to but couldn’t afford. I want to go to film festivals (my not-so-secret passion). I even want to go on a tour of the Empire State Building. I’m probably not going to schlep out to Williamsburg, though — that’s where I draw the line.

Be a Better Friend to the Friends You’ve Got

I miss my friends in New York. Most of those friends I never really got to know, either from lack of money or lack of time. I want to be a better friend to them, and be more present in the every day. Whenever we’re able to hang out, I feel as if I’m finally where I need to be, surrounded by people who get it despite the hectic city livin’. Most of my friends in New York are transplants from other parts of the US, lured in by the bright lights and spicy street meat. If I’m going to spend more time exploring the city, I’d want to do it with them.

As I prepare to move back to New York, those are four major requirements I want to focus on. Of course, there are more minor requirements built in, like do yoga, eat greens and see more movies, but apartment, job, friends and adventure are the important ones.

In my time away from New York, I’ve learned not to let my ability to live in a densely populated city define my successes or my failures. So, sure, I’ll go to the museums and art installations. I’ll grumble about taking the L train, or the 7 train, or — collective groan — the G train. I’ll pay $4.29 for a half-gallon of milk that isn’t even organic, and I’ll pay $116.25 for a monthly MetroCard.

I’ll do all of this, but I’ll do it with the steadfast knowledge that I can leave if I want. I don’t have to stick around just because it’s New York City. I’ll be present in my life and in this city because I want to be. There’s so much New York actually has to offer and that I let slip by me during my first tenure. And a year or two from now, if I want to leave New York again, I can do it. I’ve done it before.