Fatherhood Flies
Rambling reflections on being a dad
Today my son turns two years old. He’s huge, super active, and tons of fun. He’s also, as a result, quite a handful. I’m convinced that my wife is superhuman or was conceived on Mount Olympus as she has been able to keep up with him for so long. Even more amazing is that she’s done so while being pregnant the last 9 months. While I pride myself on working my little rear off, I can’t help but realize how much it pales in comparison to Polly’s day in and day out. She’s a rock star.
A week after Titus turns two we’ll be ushering in our beautiful little girl, Arya. Yes, like the character in Game of Thrones. No, we didn’t name her after said character. She’s due next Wednesday. We’ll see if we even get that far, though, as the midwife last week couldn’t even check my wife lest she induced labor. We’re right at the tipping point, playing the oh-so-fun waiting game. Every day has a cycle of “any contractions” and “yes, but…” conversations. But alas, still no Arya.
I’m no expert at parenting. I think most parents would heartily say ‘Amen’ to that sentiment, and the ones who wouldn’t do so showcase just how true it is for them. But to deny expert status isn’t the same as saying I haven’t learned a thing or two already. I’ve learned a lot during the last two years. About myself, about life, about my marriage, and, of course, parenting, not to mention a slew of other things. Thinking on the journey has been sobering. There’s not many things truer in this universe than the fact that I’m supremely blessed. I can only imagine how much more so that will be in the next few days (or, God forbid, weeks) after Arya finally makes her grand appearance.
Things will change drastically, though I don’t know exactly how. And that’s one of the running themes of parenthood that I’ve found: you simply don’t know. And you don’t know what you don’t know, do you? So there is a lot of not knowing involved in the gig. While I’m somewhat of a planner—or have ‘control issues’ some may allege—I can only do so much when it comes to figuring out what’s next in terms of our family. Kids develop differently and they tend to do so at lightning speeds. You forget what they were like as their new normal sets in at an incredibly rapid pace.
The cute babbling, the laugh out loud mannerisms, and all those little things that make you love every second of parenthood fade straightway into the next phase with new idiosyncrasies, tweaked phrases, and more, but different sounding, laughs. You think they’ll look so weird with teeth, and then they get one and you think it’s the cutest thing in the world. Before long a mouthful is there and you can’t hardly remember what it was like to have the two crooked ones on opposite ends of the mouth, something that was terribly cute at the time but now, if truth be told, looks mostly terrible. Pajamas don’t fit any longer, there is now hair to be shampooed every night, and disobeying is possible because they actually understand what you’re telling them. So much change, so fast.
One of the things that many of us heard from our parents growing up was that time flies. “The older you get, the faster it goes,” my dad used to say. Well, if there was anything of truth that my parents ever said, it’d be that little nugget of wisdom. Time does indeed fly. Days pick up speed. Weeks zoom by. Months are here and then gone. Years go by before you even have mastered writing the correct date on checks (one more reason I’m thankful I never have to write them). Our journey in life seems to tip over the crest at some point, whether at a certain age or a particular life stage, and then barrel downhill for our remaining years, picking up more and more speed every passing day. It seems as if aging deteriorates more than our bodies, the inertia of time fades away even more quickly and so there is nothing to slow things down for us.
If I had to guess, I would imagine that each new ‘big thing’ in life, kids being one of the biggest, no doubt, adds a weight to this roller coaster we’re on, thus propelling it downward at an even speedier rate. And so, while I’m saddened to think of Titus growing up, our first two years already swallowed whole, the thought of Arya coming into the picture forces me to recognize that I’d better stop wallowing in any sort of reminiscent pity and simply enjoy every waking second because things are only going to start moving faster.
And so I will. Despite being insanely busy, I have to make sure I’m not busying myself out of life and the things that matter supremely. Time flies, they say. It’s true. Fatherhood flies, too, and the greatest lie I can believe is that I can procrastinate my fathering until tomorrow. Why put off till tomorrow the child you can love today? Titus, thank you for the last two years, you are a joy. Arya, I can’t wait to meet you and then speed through this thing together. Polly, you’re the one keeping the crazy train on its tracks, let’s do it again.
Parents, you only have one shot. Make it count.
