Path to Hell.
By Craig Atkinson.
Creativity is the path to hell.
It was always heading there.
As soon as you started the journey it knew where it was taking you, unbeknownst to you. It takes you the long way, the scenic route. Passing the pretty flowers, through the rolling hills, into the wide sun-drenched street. It has you falsely believing that you have control of the vehicle and that it will be alright, until…
Until you turn a corner where the light doesn’t hit, tight streets, and you feel walled in and exposed. You find yourself with your pants down, with the wind blowing between your legs. Welcome to paradise.
This week I’ve been writing a book review for a new job. Sounds simple enough I know. I followed my creativity, and it led me here, so it must be right.
But the problem is that I’m not confident in my understanding of what I get out of some books. This is not a good weak point for a writer to have. When I read or hear others talk about books, they seem to draw so much more from them. They sound so intelligent, discussing complex thoughts from the book. They talk about things I missed.
I feel exposed.
However, this weak point is something I’ve known about myself for a long time, and I thought I could hide it. Maybe it’s as simple as this:
I get different things out of a book than others do.
I think of it this way. I played drums for 8 years. When I was still learning to play the rudiments, Green Day’s, Dookie (released ’94) fell into my path in ’95. That was when I first heard 90s punk rock. Tre Cool’s drumming hit me. His sound and style explained all of the annexations I was feeling. From then on, drums became the focal point from which I understood music. They are the predominant sound I hear. If I want to focus on another instrument, I have to try to tune in, letting the drums fade into the background.
And this is my issue with writing a book review. I worry that I don’t focus on the right thing when reading. I find it cumbersome to keep notes, and don’t feel comfortable about writing in the margins.
What if I write something stupid on a page, and someone reads it?
Creativity led me to learn the drums, which led me to music, which led me to zines, which led me to write, which led me to books, which led me back to zines, which led me here. There might be many unknown places on your creative path, but the thing about a path is, they always lead you somewhere. You have to trust the path that led you past all those great things, in the hope, that there will be more further along.
