Is ‘shame’ the key to a world without rape?

Typically, discussions of rape and sexual violence are clouded with shame. Could our understanding of it be the key to creating a world without rape?

Please note this article contains themes that may be sensitive to some listeners including discussions of rape and sexual assault.

Rape and sexual violence permeate through our understanding of gender, relationships, race, and community. At FODI22, a panel of leading scholars and activists sat down to discuss how we define rape, and how we might create a world without it.

Moderated by South African writer, activist and political analyst Sisonke Msimang, was joined by Aboriginal rights activist Bronwyn Penrith, historian Joanna Bourke, investigative journalist Jess Hill and Director of Advocacy at Rape and Sexual Assault Research and Advocacy Saxon Mullins to discuss rape and its enduring part of history and modern life. Typically, discussions of rape and sexual violence are clouded with shame. However, could this be the key to creating a world without rape?

What is sexual violence?

We can’t talk about rape and sexual violence without working with a common definition. Joanna Bourke advocates for a broader understanding: “anything someone says is a violation of their body is a violation of their body.” But why should we have such a broad definition, and why is this definition so progressive?

“We need to rebuild it from the ground up… sexual violence is so nuanced and the law is not.” — Saxon Mullins

When most people hear the word “rape,” they associate it with “sex minus consent.” This definition tends to perpetuate the idea that there is one type of sexual violence, when in reality there are many different kinds that impact every survivor differently.

In Australia, we can’t discuss sexual violence without talking about the first contact, when Europeans colonised Australia. Bronwyn Penrith explains that many family histories in her community face can be traced back to the horrific sexual violence that came with the first contact. She encourages us to recall the fact that Aboriginal people in Australia were considered flora and fauna (in the law until the mid-1960s), which can give us more of a sense of how Aboriginal women were viewed and treated.

Msimang encourages us to think about the where the silences are: in a world with so much rape and sexual violence, where are the notable stories of Aboriginal Australian women who experience sexual violence? Where are the women of colour? Bourke’s broad definition can help us to unpack the layers of gendered, sexual, and often racial violence that is experienced by relying on the testimony of survivors.

Shifting the definition of rape and sexual violence to a survivor oriented framework will help destigmatise future discussions. Defining rape as a violation of the body grounded in personal experience and testimony, rather than “sex minus consent,” will open up the opportunity for more nuanced, open-minded discussions.

Shame and sexual violence

“Shame is a way of control” — Bronwyn Penrith

The moral emotion of shame is central to understanding the harms and wrongs of rape and other kinds of sexual violence. One of the main explanations for why survivors don’t come forward is because of the shame they feel, especially given the taboo nature of the topic.

Shame arises when we feel that the people around us don’t have respect for us. So, shame is one of the common emotions experienced by survivors of sexual assault. However, perpetrators of sexual and domestic violence often feel shame too because of the way we call it out.

Jess Hill describes an advertisement she saw in which a group of male friends call out their mate who was talking to his wife aggressively on the phone. The way in which they called him out came from a place of shame, and then the men went back to having their beers like nothing happened. Hill encourages us to think: where will the man in the ad take his shame with him at the end of the night? It will likely go home with him, perpetuating a cycle of violence.

This cycle is exacerbated by racist stereotypes, as Bronwyn Penrith and Sisonke Msimang explain. Aboriginal women are less likely to come forward and report sexual violence due to the combined experience of racism and sexism. In addition, men in communities of colour are often hypersexualised and stereotyped as violent and irrational. Penrith explains how this dangerous combination requires additional work to combat the racism and sexism that generate feelings of shame.

Shame as a catalyst for change?

“For so long, the domain of solving these issues was left to women.” — Bronwyn Penrith

Whose responsibility is it to create a world without rape? On the one hand, women are far more likely to have experienced rape and sexual violence, so they are more likely to have a more nuanced understanding of what survivors need. On the other hand, men are far more likely to be perpetrators of rape and sexual violence. Most accepted views of moral responsibility put the burden of change on the group that is creating the problem rather than experience the problem.

“There is no silver bullet. It has to come from a place of love.” — Saxon Mullins

One of the main focuses of the panel was the need to reframe how we use shame in our discussions of sex. Instead of shame being a weight for the victims to bear, historian Joanna Bourke talks about it as a tool to change perpetrator behaviour. She explains that “rapists have extremely high levels of abuse and drug addictions because they actually do feel shame… if we have feminists affirming that you ought to feel shame, then we can use that to change behaviour.” That being said, Jess Hill reminds us that “the shame needs to not be so overwhelming so that [men] will never speak of [sex] again.”

So, if we want a world without rape, it’s clear we need to change the way we talk about it. Calling out behaviour “from a position of love,” as Jess Hill and Saxon Mullins explain, destigmatises the conversation, allowing survivors to heal and break the cycle of violence. Finding the balance between using shame as a catalyst for change without hindering conversations about sexual violence, seems to be at least part of the solution to creating a world without rape.

Tune into the full FODI 2022 discussion, World Without Rape

Anna Goodman is an undergraduate student at Princeton University, majoring in philosophy and minoring in gender and sexuality studies.