The Lowdown on Low T
I’m depressed.
I think it’s why I drink and crave nicotine. I think my testosterone is low. I think I’m depressed because my testosterone is low. I think my testosterone is low because I’m depressed. I think that’s why I have trouble getting it up or keeping it up or keeping it loaded or firing more than once or misfiring.
I blame everything wrong in my life on Low T.
Low T is why my hair is thinning and my eyes are going bad and why my back hurts all the time and why I’m constantly tired and lazy and unmotivated and uninspired and unsure and unhealthy and unsung and unloved and a whole host of other un-something related maladies.
Low T is why I have love handles and bushy eyebrows and super hairy arms and legs and back and groin but not head. Low T is why I still work for government and why I hate my job and why I don’t have a real career and why I’m not an entrepreneur and why I’ll never be a real writer and why I’m doomed to the mediocrity of the sheeple.
Low T is why I don’t care anymore, why I don’t get excited anymore, why I always feel sad, why I’m an atheist, and why I’m ambivalent about all those other kinds of –ists. Low T is why I sweat a lot and why I smell funny and why my hair’s turning gray and why my body’s falling to pieces and why I don’t care anymore.
Low T is why the ice caps are melting, why the seas are rising, why the ozone is depleting, why Americans are fatter, why the globe is warming, and why the oil is disappearing. Low T is why there are problems with Congress and health care and abortion and gun control and gay marriage. Low T is why there are hurricanes and wildfires and earthquakes and tornadoes (God is a male, right?). Low T is the reason for revolutions and jihads and civil wars and civil unrest and violent coups and Spring uprisings and terrorism and wars on terrorism.
Low T is why the world is going to Hell and why my body’s going to Hell and why we’re all going to Hell and why no one cares anymore. Low T is why there is no Hell and why so many sheeple believe there is a Hell. Low T is the Devil and Low T is the reason for everything bad in the world.
Low T is why nobody believes in Low T anymore and why nobody cares.
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