Crib Notes: Naming a baby is kinda like naming a company

We’ve never named a person at A Hundred Monkeys as far as I’m aware. We name companies and products, create naming architecture and positioning — but no living, breathing sentient beings. So when I needed to name my son who was born in January, I wondered how useful my naming experience would be. Surprisingly, there is quite a bit of overlap between naming a company and a person. Here’s what I discovered naming a human being:

1. No one cares about nicknames:

My son’s name is Whit. We call him Whitty, Dude Face, Tooter, and Little Dude. But when we were kicking around names before he was born, we worried the “W” would be too easily swapped with an “S” and give rise to nicknames that didn’t smell so sweet. It gave us serious pause. I even approached a colleague about my concern. He reminded me of something we tell clients all too often: people will call your company what they want and there’s nothing you can do about it.

There is no shortage of brands who can attest to this. Ask Patagucci, Whole Paycheck, and Targé. I don’t think these companies had any idea their name would be twisted into such banal epithets, but it happened anyway. More importantly, do they even care? I don’t think so. A nickname means you’re being noticed. And isn’t that the point?

2. Opinions are like assholes:

When you’re going to have a kid, you will be asked a couple of quadrillion times about the name. Everyone wants to know what the hell you’re going to call the little tyke. And if you want a mixed bag of opinions, questioning looks, and unsolicited advice, you are more than welcome to tell them. We didn’t. We wouldn’t. I’ve been in the naming game long enough to know that no good can come of it.

I can’t tell you how many clients share their beloved name with their barber, niece, or congressman, only to turn enthusiasm into skepticism. You were in love with the name before asking all your friends and family. What happened? As a new father and a professional namer, I strongly advise against outside opinions. Full stop.

3. What are you about?

At the beginning of every project, we conduct intake interviews. Our goal is twofold: to learn more about what we’re naming and discover what a client is about. This second question is why we love what we do.

You have to do some serious soul searching to understand your core principles, ethics, and beliefs that dwell underneath the topsoil of your brand. Without it, you’re just a copycat, a fraud, a poseur. You need to figure out what the hell you’re about.

Like naming a company, we wanted to imbue some belief system in our kiddo’s name. Warning: it’s gonna get a little personal for a moment. My wife and I had trouble conceiving. Years of trying left us dejected and emotionally exhausted. During that time my sister sent us a Christmas ornament with a Walt Whitman quote that read: “Happiness, not in another place, but this place, not for another hour, but for this hour.” We kept that ornament in our kitchen year-round to remind us that life, although tough at times, is filled with joy. So when we were thinking about names Whitman was a clear but too obvious choice. And let’s be real, Whitman stinks of pretentiousness. So one night — after a few bourbons — I suggested we lop off the “-man” and just call him Whit. BOOM. Done. We are still stoked on the decision because, well, it’s meaningful.

Will you seek afar off? you surely come back at last,
In things best known to you finding the best, or as good as the
best,
In folks nearest to you finding the sweetest, strongest, lovingest,
Happiness, knowledge, not in another place but this place, not for
another hour but this hour.
- Walt Whitman, A Song for Occupations

Now, a brand is slightly different. A brand has various elements into which you can pour a belief system — your copy, your positioning, your color scheme, your logo. This means you have numerous chances to get your point across. The most important thing is that you think about it and give it some serious consideration. So dig down deep. That’s where the branding gold is.

In the end, we’re happy with Whit — both as a rad little guy and a name. We have no regrets about his name or the possible nicknames mean kids will inevitably hurl at him. And we don’t lose sleep that we didn’t ask our family for their opinions or that the name is kinda sappy but special to us. We have no regrets at all about naming our son…not like these poor souls.