Naming a baby brand might be harder than naming a baby

Here at A Hundred Monkeys, we like to celebrate names that stand out. They don’t always stand out for the best reason — sometimes they stop us in our tracks and make us question how they ever made it beyond the drawing board. Sometimes they’re so “bad” they’re good — or at least give us a good laugh.

Each year, we set out to find the most glorious and ridiculous names out there—or as we like to call them, the Burning Ears. This time around, we each dove into an industry of our choice. I chose the baby industry because, well, it’s an industry that I frankly don’t know too much about. But preparing for parenthood seems like a daunting task, so the industry is filled with names (and products) that are flat-out entertaining.

At our annual Burning Ears event, which took place in San Francisco earlier this month, we voted on the winners of each category (read the full recap here). But each contestant deserves a time to shine — so without further ado, here are your baby brand finalists of 2018:

The ridiculous

NoseFrida

Simply put, this nasal aspirator is a snot sucker. A useful tool for parents, no doubt. But most of us don’t expect to associate a surrealist Mexican painter and icon of the 20th century (or her nose) with a snot tool. Invented by a Swedish doctor, it’s likely that the name of this tool refers to another Frida, or no particular Frida, since it’s a common name in Sweden. Or maybe they’re telling us that this product is a true work of art.

Joovy

Joovy is addressing a real issue for parents: mobility. They’re a lifestyle brand specializing in strollers, bikes, walkers, and accessories that make parents’ lives easier. It’s too bad their name sounds like a common nickname for juvenile hall and/or a young person involved in criminal offenses. But at least it’s spelled differently…?

Puj

As namers, we don’t always discourage names that are hard to pronounce. In fact, plenty of brands have thrived despite names that are rooted in different languages or cultures. Puj is not one of those. It’s simply a quirky spelling of “pudge” — which, if you ask me, is an adorable word when it’s spelled out.

The Honest Company

It’s always risky to assert things like trust or honesty in a name. It certainly didn’t do Jessica Alba any good when her parenting brand, The Honest Company, was sued for being dishonest about their ingredients. Honesty sounds nice, but it’s more effective when it’s earned through experience, not communicated in a name.

4Moms

In the early days of SMS lingo and T9 texting, it was cool and efficient to substitute 4 for for. “Meet me b4 class?” “B4N (bye for now)!”. But in 2018, the 4 feels a little out of place, unless the company is owned by four moms (it’s not — it’s two dudes). Also, I can’t help but think of all the dads out there who could just as easily benefit from their products.

PeePee TeePee

This one wins for absurdity. To be fair, it’s an ingenious invention by parents who undoubtedly got sprayed in the face one too many times while changing diapers. For this type of product, a ridiculous name would typically be excusable—if it wasn’t for its cultural implications.

Storq

I thinq this one’s pretty self-explanatory. Subbing q for k is almost as bad as subbing z for s. Not winning any cool pointz here.

Pony Up Daddy

“The original Daddy Saddle.” This is an incredible product with a name that’s 100% for the parents. I mean, they must know what they’re doing here, right?

Siliskin

Siliskin as a name isn’t too bad. “Sili” doubles as “silly” but mainly references the material silicone. But something happens when you combine the name Siliskin with an image of the product — a stretchy sippy lid resembling a certain prophylactic item…or is it just us?

Milk Snob

I get the sense that there are a lot of parenting experts (dare I say, snobs?) out there who think they’ve perfected the messy art of raising children. For that reason, the name of this nursing brand feels a little off. Although I do appreciate the idea of a baby being a breast milk connoisseur.

The glorious

Boon

Maybe it’s because this is the name of one of our favorite local design agencies, or because it’s a word that’s simple yet highly underutilized, but Boon is a great name. Especially for a brand of baby products — it’s short, sweet, and positive, allowing the products to take center stage.

Tea Collection

This brand of children’s clothing is all about making the world smaller and introducing children to globally-inspired designs. Tea encapsulates the idea of global connection — it’s a drink that many cultures have in common, and it’s something that brings people together. And the best part: it doesn’t sound like a children’s clothing brand.

Tantrum

We love names that address the problem at hand. They tend to put people at ease with a sense of yes, things are a mess, we’re in this together. Tantrum is a great example of that. It’s a toy store in San Francisco that I’m sure has seen its fair share of tantrums play out.

Petunia Pickle Bottom

As much as this sounds like something out of a nursery rhyme or a Harry Potter book, it’s actually a brand of stylish diaper bags and other “mothering necessities”. The brand works because this peculiar, youthful name is countered by products that are sleek and contemporary, made with the modern mother in mind.

Malarkey Kids

This has to be one of the most underutilized words out there. Malarkey is one of those rare words that’s as fun to say as it is to define. And what better context for “meaningless talk or nonsense” than a baby brand?

Noodle & Boo

Serious points for cuteness. This brand of skin care products for moms and newborns is named after the founder’s two children, Andrew (Noodle) and Matthew (Boo). One can only hope that they carry those nicknames into adulthood.

Bananas

Like Tantrum, Bananas does a great job of addressing the mayhem that is parenthood. It’s a nonprofit dedicated to child care resources and referrals in Oakland, and my sense is that they’re out to help parents feel a little less bananas.

Skip Hop

Skip Hop offers all kinds of baby gear, but their name stands out thanks to its reference to a certain genre of music that is very unbaby.

Chicco

Like Noodle & Boo, this brand’s name was inspired by the nickname of the founder’s son, Enrico, back in 1958. Specializing in car seats, Chicco is a global brand with Italian roots, which makes saying “Chicco” even more fun.

Hatch

In baby brands, we see a lot of comparisons to chicks, mother hens etc. The name for this line of maternity clothing feels like a unique approach to that metaphor — it feels modern in its simplicity. I also like to think that these mothers are hatching a plan for their eventual return to wine + sushi.