MAD LIBS
My Super-quantum Super-Powers
[Boggling] the world one [baby] at a time.
Disclaimer: This story is intended to be random and humorous. It is published in Fill in the Blanks publication, inspired by the classic game, Mad Libs. Blank words contributed by Elan Cassandra, Kayla Vokolek, Damon Ferrara, Jamaal Ameer, Quy Ma, Julia Appa.
I did it again today — the impossible, well, really [funky].
I wonder, is this what Jesus could do?
I’ve never tried to stretch a loaf of bread like [42] times longer, but I bet I could if I had a little wine.
Jesus probably didn’t know he was somehow controlling quantum wave functions, like I do, but I don’t have to know that’s what I’m doing to do it.
I just know that when I really [cry] — or sometimes when I’m kind of [hungry], I can make things happen that shouldn’t be able to happen. One in a million kind of stuff.
The super annoying thing about it is that my ability to control random processes is that it’s random. I know, right? That’s like a catch forty-four or maybe as ironic as an Alanis Morissette song.
Last week, I rolled double sixes thirty-seven times in a row and I was trying. I could calculate the odds of that, but you’d get bored from hearing me say zero…zero…zero…over and over again, but trust me, it’s not supposed to happen. At least I didn’t almost [weep] and catch the [limited edition Millenium Falcon scale model collectible] on fire by making all the air molecules in the bedroom concentrate in one corner like in November.
That was an accident.
I know what you’re thinking. Go buy a lottery ticket, [Cerberus]! Or go to Vegas. Maybe I should try again, I don’t know, but the lottery ticket machine stopped [fracking] when I asked at the local seven-eleven…twice. The [Spaniards] won’t let me in the store anymore.
And when I tried to take a [sexy] greyhound to Vegas, a once in a lifetime [dance-off] shut down the highway.
It’s not always bad of course, I’m not saying that only unlikely but unfortunate stuff is all I can do. There was the time I managed to stack an [aardvark] on top of a marble. That was pretty cool — if only I had videoed it for YouTube or for [Spain].
And, plus I did actually stop a robbery one time when a meteor hit a car outside a bank and set off an alarm just when a [duchess] pulled a gun on the teller inside demanding small unmarked bills and [an eggplant]. Fortunately, nobody knew that the crushed car was my fault, just thought it was a once in a million thing where a piece of space junk happened to make it through the atmosphere.
But Jesus, today, my randomly [succulent] powers really outdid [tacos]. I knocked on wood for good luck and my hand passed through my desk! And then got stuck there. Yep, I can see my elbow, but my hand is on the bottom side of the desk. I can touch my [petticoat] so I know my hand is still there and working. With my other hand, I googled it on my phone and found out that in fact most of any hard matter is empty space but the atoms are all moving around super-fast so it seems solid, but not for me apparently. All the stupid atoms [walked] out of the way at the same moment. Billions of them; all at the same time.
So now I’m wondering if I should [giggle] for another miracle or drag the desk down to the cellar to get a hammer or saw or some [little green men]?
The good news is that even though I can’t type myself, I was able to get this story out. I remembered reading in Probability theory class that if you had enough [cows] — or was it monkeys — at typewriters [unabashedly] hitting the keys for long enough, they could write all the works of Shakespeare. But all I had to do was let [George Clooney], my gerbil, out to [somersault] [monstrously] around on the keyboard for a while and her little paws [stupendously] hit all the right keys.
Pretty [tasty], right? Tell me that’s not a super-power and sdfj owenbiw sioll bieo 048’lniow nzce80 w.fasiofhho wa480qjbs’lwo
