Remembering My Time Here: Being a Photographer in Los Angeles, CA
I have this thought that follows me around every day.
If and when I die and leave this world, I wonder if I’ll still be able to recall who I am–who I was. My spirit, my memories, my awareness of myself and my consciousness–will that stay intact as I’m rushing through the cosmos. I have no fear of death itself, but I do hope that I can still remember. I hope that I can still see my lover’s eyes as she watches me in the early mornings. I hope that I can reminisce about the way the moonlight falls onto the silvery oceans of California. I hope that I can relive moments with my mother–her cutting my hair or how she asked me to pray with her in her final moments.
Throughout my life, I’ve learned that Discovery is one of the most powerful feelings that one can have. And not always the discovery of something new before you, but the discovery of who you are–how you got there. Photography, to me, has become a lighthouse on the cliffside. Whenever I feel lost or worry about where I’m going, I look for the light, I compose my frame, and I take the exposure. I seal the moment in my memory and try to preserve it forever.
Being an Artist in Los Angeles
I live in a small beach town called El Segundo. And really, I work primarily as an actor.
I started acting when I was 15–doing my first professional play in my hometown of Kalamazoo, MI. After high school, I bought a car and drove to California. The next 12 years of my life were a complete mess, but I’ve been able to build a special foundation in the city, which is what eventually led me to photography.
Now, as an artist in LA, I’ve learned pretty quickly that the “Artist” part is secondary to someone being a complete person. To find success in what you love to do, you have to start with building a cohesive life for yourself. This means having hobbies outside of your immediate dream. It means having friends to hang out with and learn from. It means having a job to pay your bills–even if you hate that job. It means exploring the city you live in and playing an active role in its everyday routine. When I was younger, I expected so many things to just “happen.” And the longer I waited, I realized that I was only wasting precious time. I wasn’t living in the present–discovering what was in front of me and who I was becoming. Thankfully, I enrolled in classes at Santa Monica College and learned that I love poetry. Over time, poetry gave way to writing stories. Stories turned into scripts. Scripts turned into filmmaking. And then filmmaking turned into photography. Funny enough, I then realized that this new path only led me back to what I started doing in the first place–by allowing myself to explore who I was becoming, it only strengthened my love for who I was originally.
I’ve been fortunate enough to work with some amazing artists and companies–both behind and in front of the camera–such as Netflix, Amazon Studios, Warner Bros, HBO MAX, NBC Universal, ABC Studios, FX, FOX, Paramount, Pinterest, Warby Parker, and many others. However, I truly believe that none of those opportunities would have happened if I didn’t develop my skills as a photographer.
Giving Myself the Freedom to Take a Photo
Like I said, I was always in front of the camera, but I would envy my friends who were cinematographers and photographers and immediately tell myself, “No, you can’t do that. You’re the actor. Stay in your place.”
I told myself that lie for years until I finally bought myself a cheap digital camera (I think a Panasonic GH5, which wasn’t even geared toward still photography) and started, quietly, taking photos. The first two years of practicing photography, I took random street photos of buildings and cars. I took the occasional selfie, shots of my girlfriend around our neighborhood–anything. But always, I shared my photos online. Slowly, I started to recognize some interest around my shots, and as time went by–and as my style and ideas grew–I found a deeper understanding of myself and the community that I was building.
It’s important to remember that cameras don’t take photos–people do. And once I embedded myself into a community of people–of other artists and ideas–that’s what ignited my passion for learning more and getting more involved with the medium. More importantly, it inspired me to keep putting myself out there–to give myself the freedom to simply “try” something new, which sadly, so many people don’t.
Developing My Love for Film
I bought my first film camera–a Minolta SRT 101–from another photographer named Dan Caso in Marina Del Rey.
I had been shooting with that GH5 for a while, but the idea of shooting analog interested me. Around that same time, I came across a series of books written by the great Ansel Adams–The Camera, The Negative, and The Print. In each book, Adams talks about the photographer’s relationship with each area, and for those who really want to hone their craft, they need to play an active role in each step of the process. By shooting digital (as necessary as it is in today’s world), I felt like I was missing out on a crucial understanding of using my tools. Everything just seemed so thoughtless…turn it on, shoot a thousand photos and look at them all later. I was never fully present in a moment with a subject. Worse yet, I wasn’t paying close enough attention to all my surroundings–the light, the colors, the aesthetics. I thought with film, it would challenge me to understand what I was doing and discover the reasons why I was doing it. I was right.
I came to realize that so many factors go into the relationship of your own photographic style. The camera you choose, the lenses, the filters, the film stock, the subjects, the environments, the colors, the positions, the lighting, the developing, the scanning, the editing, the printing, the framing, the showings, the community, the self-promotion, the patience–these are all areas that a photographer has to be involved with, to some degree, in order to build your artistry. It can be frustrating at times, but the end-result is beyond rewarding.
To visualize an idea from your imagination to a tangible, existing piece of art is the ultimate proof that you are alive–that you exist and a piece of you will still be here when you’re gone.
My Photography Set Up
I don’t want anyone to think that I’m against digital photography–it’s always going to be a useful and necessary tool for the working photographer, especially for branded work or independent clients.
For digital, I shoot with the original Canon 5D, the very first full-frame DSLR they came out with. It cost me $200 from Craigslist. It also came with an extended battery pack. I then purchased an adapter from Amazon for $15 so that I can attach my vintage M42 mount lenses to the body and get a warm, analog feel with every shot. For anyone who can’t afford the lengthy analog film process, I highly recommend buying an older digital camera and using vintage lenses with adapters to emulate a similar feeling. Aside from shooting DSLR, I also want to stress how important it is to shoot with your smartphone. I’ve learned that every device has its place in the spectrum of photography and aesthetics. I’ve been blown away by artists on Instagram or Pinterest who create amazing content with their phones, and this is because they understand how to manipulate the aesthetic that a smartphone can capture. Your phone has amazing tools to create the look you want, and more important than saying “No, I don’t have a nice camera so I can’t be a photographer,” it’s better to use the tools you do have to create a style that’s entirely your own.
For 35mm film, I now shoot with a Canon AE-1 and a Pentax ME Super. I typically stick to the 50mm 1.4 Canon FD lens on the AE-1, and with the Pentax, I use a Vivitar Series 1 70mm-210mm Macro lens for a variety of shots. I find that with those two focal lengths, I can achieve practically any composition I have in mind. I typically shoot portraits, so creating a soft bokeh with a shallow depth of field is important to my current workflow. Another great lens that does stunning portraits is the Helios 44–2 M42 mount–an old Russian-made lens known for its swirly bokeh. I’ve used it for several shoots and the quality is stunning.
For medium format film, I was shooting with a Mamiya 645 with a range of prime lenses, but my entire kit was stolen on a fashion shoot last year. The 645 is a compact, user-friendly introduction to 120, and I purchased an excellent used setup for only $600–a typical price range for this camera. Now, I shoot with a repaired Kowa 6, a Japanese-made camera from the 1970s. It’s awfully clunky and heavy, and it’s not my favorite to shoot with, but the stock lens on the camera is immaculate–I think it’s a 90mm F2 lens (I’m currently in WI writing this and don’t have the camera with me). Nonetheless, I don’t recommend this camera to anyone. It’s a hassle, and when things break or go wrong, it’s incredibly hard to find parts, not to mention expensive!
For film stock, I prefer to shoot Cinestill 800T or Kodak Tri-X 400. I find myself shooting in low-light situations all the time, and naturally, Cinestill has been my go-to choice. I love the way the highlights burn and how dreamy subjects look amongst rich blacks and vibrant colors. I try to shoot as close as I can to its true film speed, though if anything, I shoot at a faster shutter speed to accentuate highlights and deepen shadows. Tri-X is my preferred choice for black and white portraits because I love the balance of gray tones that the stock creates. It has a thicker grain, in my opinion, and I’ve been able to capture shots that look as if they’re a hundred years old. Of course, this is my personal preference, but I love it.
Why I Choose to Go Analog
It has nothing to do with a preference between digital and film, but everything to do with being who I truly am.
I’ve always been drawn to manual processes. I’ve been collecting and using typewriters for years. I write a letter to a friend, a family member, or someone new every day. I like going to the post office to buy stamps. I love shopping at the thrift store and bringing home old clothes, dishes, and pieces of art.
Every Sunday, I run a booth at the Melrose Trading Post in West Hollywood to sell my framed prints. I cut mats, cut glass, repair frames, and pass out flyers for art shows and poetry readings that I host around the city. I enjoy the process that comes along with living–with playing an active role in my life and the lives of others. With film, I’m not just firing away blindly from one thing to the next, but rather, I’m intentional with my actions. I savor the time I have and I honor it by being completely present in the moment at hand.
I only have so many shots in a roll. I only have so much light left in a day. I only have so much time to say what I want to say and do what I want to do. But I’m trying to slow things down enough to enjoy them. I’m always trying my best to remember.
Links to share:
