Attack at Night

This fan fiction is set somewhere after ‘Summer School Blues’

CW: Panic Attacks

Casey awoke with a jolt. The remains of her dreams disappeared as quickly as lightning — too quickly to write down in her dream diary. The sudden jolt made her heart beat pace faster. She had no idea where she was. Then after five seconds, it came to her. She was in her bed, in the new house that she had lived in for over a year. Her home. She sighed with relief. She turned on her beside lamp and gingerly sat up in bed, clutching the place where her heart was. Her first thought was of her step-brother Derek. ‘He must of woke me up’. Her breathing increased.

‘What is the time?’ She thought to herself and glanced at the alarm clock on her bedside table. It was two in the morning. What was she dreaming about that made her wake up like that? This was so not in her usual schedule. Why would Derek prank her now? It was still summer vacation..wasn’t it? Well at least for another two weeks. It wasn’t like she would be late for anything. Though there was still a lot of studying to do before the new school year — even if she had completed all her homework assignments already. And waking up at 2 in the morning would not help that.

She then thought of her boyfriend Max. He was away on Vacation for the entire summer. She and him had promised to write back and fourth. And she had written him a letter every two days and so far, she had received 5 post cards from him in the last two months. So needless to say, she wondered what preoccupied Max that he couldn’t write her back the same amount.

Sometimes it felt, when she wasn’t around him, she didn’t exist. But she’d never fully admit that to herself. What was she talking about? He was still a great boyfriend regardless. So what if he didn’t write back regularly?! She was panicking over nothing. Or was she? Maybe he had all these profound love letters quoting Shakespeare for her that got lost at sea. Maybe he went out on a quest to go find them. Casey loved that image.

Then she thought of her Dad. There was still a part in her that wanted to go back to the way that it was. To the condo in Toronto. Where she could see him more on a weekly basis. Instead of every two months. Derek and Edwin and Marti were Lucky in some respect. At least they had a mum that put in the effort or knew how to deal with her children’s emotions. She found herself jealous of that. From what she could tell, their parents had been divorced years before her mum was ever in the picture, so at least they were used to having a single parent and the idea of possibly having a new step-mum. Her and Lizzie weren’t so lucky in that respect. It wasn’t fair that she had no say in the matter about anything — not the marriage. not moving. not anything. It was like her mum was trying to hurt her.

No. No. That wasn’t fair. It was just. She had a life back in Toronto. And it felt like — to her at least — that it had died and she wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral. She wasn’t allowed to grieve. It was right. You have to settle in this strange house in a new city with a step-dad you barely know and three other kids that look at you like you have two heads. Who cares if they like you unless you’re mum’s happy right? Who cares if your’e unhappy? And Derek. Gosh. He was the worst of all. Ruining her day before it had even started. How was she supposed to feel a basic sense of comfort in her own space if he was trying to constantly get her out of it? How was she supposed to settle in this new house when he made it very clear to her on a day to day basis that he wanted her out?

She was suddenly aware that her breathing pace hadn’t stopped since she sat up in bed. She was breathing fast breaths in and out, so much that her throat was feeling fuzzy. She hit the wall beside her bed to try to get her to stop. What was this? Why couldn’t she stop breathing? She banged on the wall again. Still she couldn’t stop. She clutched her chest. It was starting to feel hazy. She banged her fist on the wall for a third time. Still she wouldn’t stop.

Now panicking that she couldn’t stop breathing, it just made her even worse. Maybe if she changed her sense of scene and got out of her bedroom. She tried getting up, her head felt dizzy. She stumbled, eyes half closed, still breathing heavily, for the door and turned the knob. She made it out, though the hallway outside was dark. Bathroom. She thought. That would be better. As she turned, she bumped into a big object. Something that was tall, bulky, with messy reddish brown hair.

“What are you doing?” It spoke.

Oh no. Now she was never going to stop. Of all the people to see her like this it had to be him. She couldn’t even fight back. This was an un fair battle. Because now she was vulnerable. He could do his worst to her, right there and then and she was powerless to stop it. She tried to scream his name, like always but no words were able to come out. Only short, sharp fast breaths.

Her vision was a night sky, except the stars were turning blue. Why were the stars blue? Weren’t they supposed to be white?

She felt two hands grab her, one on her waist and the other lightly on her back as they led her towards the open door of her bedroom and sat her gently on the bed.

The person of these hands kneeled in front of her and put a hand up to her face, while another one was still supporting her waist.

“Breathe on this”

He gestured towards his hand.

What was he doing?

“I..Can..’t”

“Yes you can.”

It was madness. He was winding her up. But she tried.

“I..CA..N’T…d..o..i..t..”

“No you can. You just have to do small breaths, like your’e blowing a whistle come on.”

A droplet of sweat dripped off the tip of her nose. She became more aware of how she must of looked in front of him. Gosh, he was so going to use this against her later. Embarrassed, she managed to move her mouth into an oval shape and breathed on his hand.

“I..can’t..”

“Yes you can, Case.”

“What…if…I…never..stop?”

“You will. You’ll be ok.”

There was something about his voice that unexpectedly soothed her in that moment. She breathed on his hand some more. Now she had a focus, and she was relaxed by the hand that still was at her waist. She felt a little bit calmer.

She managed to get her breaths down to a steady formation, though her throat was still hazy. She then realised how sweaty her forehead was, though it wasn’t hot. It was freezing cold. The blue stars in her night sky vision slowly faded as they fell back down to earth. The breathing on his hand had surprisingly really helped. She was now breathing normally, though now with a shocking headache.

Derek was no longer kneeling in front of her, he was now on the bed beside her, his arm lightly around her waist.

Casey didn’t bother to think of how he learnt to calm her down like that, since all he seemed to do was rile her up. In fact, she couldn’t, because just then, she began to shake. Her whole body trembled like an earthquake.

Derek left her alone for a minute as he went out the room. And Casey thought for a moment that she had scared him off. But he returned, a couple of moments later, with a glass of water in his hands and gave it to her. She took small sips and immediately felt better.

Something twinged in the corner of her heart. There was a warmth building in her stomach, which clashed with her trembling body. Why was he being so sweet?

She tried to speak.

“Der..” She found her voice so small.

“I don’t really think it’s a good idea to speak yet Case. ” He said, patting her lightly on the arm. They were silent for a minute or two.

“So — why exactly did you wake me up at 2 in the morning?” His smarmy voice was back.

He was kidding right?

“..wha..?”

“You were banging on the wall several times and I came out, to find you in this mess. So whats the deal? Are you ok now?”

Casey tensed up. Derek slowly put his arm round her waist again. She relaxed.

“i..don’t..know.”

“You don’t know? hmmm.”

Casey was reminded of how impossible he was to read at times.

“..i didn’t ask you to do this..”

“Well i couldn’t have you fainting in front of me couldn’t I?”

Casey scoffed and turned her head in disgust. But Derek turned her head back slightly.

“Are you ok?” His voice dropping a little.

She then looked directly at Derek for the first time that night. His face was lit by the warm yellow light of her beside lamp. His messy reddish hair reflected it with little yellow tips. His big brown eyes matched; also having tiny reflections of the light in them. This reminded her of a book she once read, where it described ‘that you see different colours according to how much light is present.’

She cleared her throat which was still a bit hazy. She was still trembling a little from the aftermath .

“…I…I don’t really know what happened. I think I was over thinking something.”

“Well don’t make a habit out of it. We all know what a drama queen you can be”

She nudged him. His hand around her waist still didn’t budge.

Casey didn’t understand Derek. If only they could be like this all the time. Like normal step-siblings. Brother and Sister. Then everything would be fine. She wouldn’t feel as if she had to fight to be comfortable in her own house. They had a great time playing with the kids at Summer Camp. After that, it was back to him being indifferent to her. She didn’t get it. Why did he have to be so stubborn?

“I was thinking about my dad. The fact that Lizzie and I don’t see him as much as we used to..”

“Ah thats my cue to leave.” Derek said, getting up “Its really too late for this kind of talk.”

She grabbed his hand, with such a sudden force that surprised him, he came up right next to her face.

“What are you doing? I am sharing my feelings with you.” Casey snapped. “Its not like you can’t relate. Don’t you miss your mum at all?”

“Well..” He shifted away from her, so there wasn’t such a close distance between the two of them.

“Well it seems to me that she makes more of an effort to see you guys than our Dad does. It hurts to say, but that’s how I feel.”

Derek shifted away from her a little more. But Casey tugged at his hand, suddenly aware of how sweaty it was compared to hers. Only it was hot sweat this time.

“Sometimes I just wish it could go back to way that it was you know. Even though this family is perfect already.”

Derek scoffed at this. Casey had enough.

“How were you when George and Abby divorced? You never told me.”

“Casey.” Derek placed his big hand over her clasped hand in his patronisingly and faked leaned into her face, so he embodied her entire vision “I don’t do this alright.”

“Well I wish you would. I wish you would at least try to be my..”

My brother.

She had put him off. She could tell. There was no use getting through a brick wall with this.

“Can I go now?” Derek snapped grumpily. She loosened her grip on him and he broke free of her hand.

“Don’t wake me up again”.

Then Derek left, leaving Casey all confused sitting on her bed. What kind of reaction did she expect from him? He was like this all the time. I guess she was hoping for a deeper response, since there was very few times they were totally alone together and he didn’t have the opportunity to put on a face for anybody else. But what kind of response did she want?

What did she want from him?