Humans of Finch, Vol 3. Meet Stacy
In this volume of Humans of Finch, Stacy tells us about her mental health journey, how writing has been a tool for healing, and lessons she’s learned along the way.
In this series, folks from all walks of life will be sharing their stories. We hope this will be a place where we can see that there are others like us out there, where we can remember we are not alone, where we can build our empathy for each other, and where we can find some strength, joy, and inspiration.
Tell me about your mental health journey.
I’ve always had anxiety issues without knowing I’ve had anxiety issues. As a kid, I’d lie awake at night thinking about the worst possible things that could happen. I was always extremely shy and never felt comfortable in my own skin. I was never diagnosed with anything, and if you asked any grown ups, they’d tell you I was a great rule-follower.
It was only in my late 20s that I found a therapist who made me feel safe enough to be vulnerable. I’ve learned to be self-compassionate, to be kind to myself, and to let myself rest. I unpacked a lot of trauma that I’d been carrying around for a long time and finally began to heal.
What was a struggle you’ve encountered on your journey?
When I was fresh out of college, I was diagnosed with PTSD after being the victim of a random assault. At first, while still in shock, I thought it was hilarious and that I’d have the best bar story. But as time passed, the severity kicked. I wasn’t going out with friends any time soon–my optimism and sense of security were completely shattered.
I had panic attacks at work, on the bus, and anywhere with crowds. I didn’t want to be home, or out, or anywhere at all. I’d make plans with friends and then be too anxious to go. My friend group got smaller and smaller, while my depression got worse and worse.
My panic attacks would suddenly rush over me from one moment to the next. Out of nowhere, my heart would start pounding, sounds felt far away, and I was hyperventilating. I was constantly terrified that I’d have another panic attack. My sister told me, “The worst thing that will happen is you will pass out and your body will fix itself.” I needed to trust that my body would take care of me.
What have you found helpful for healing?
Ever since I was a little kid, writing has been an outlet for me. I’ve never been a super articulate person, but with writing I can find the words to share how I feel. I wrote and wrote about my trauma: essays for school, poems, and journal entries. As I wrote, I would bawl my eyes out, processing my grief in a safe, non-judgemental way that allowed me to fully feel my feelings.
Writing has helped me explore my inner thoughts and find patterns of negative self-talk and criticism. It’s helped me practice positive affirmations, reframe negative thoughts, and practice gratitude. Recently, I’ve started bringing my journal to therapy (even though it feels terrifying!) to help me learn more about myself.
What have you learned along your journey?
The most valuable lesson I’ve learned is how to nurture the relationship with myself. My relationship with myself is the most important relationship I have and I need to get to know myself better. Without putting myself first, I can’t show up for others. It’s amazing how much centering myself has improved my relationships with friends and family. I am finally listening to myself and I am happier than I’ve ever been.
A big thank you to Stacy for sharing her story! It means a lot to all of us.
If you are interested in sharing your story for a future edition, please share your information here. If you have feedback for us, or if you’re a journalist or writer who would like to interview folks in the community and write these profiles, please reach out to us at humans-of-finch@befinch.com.
