Humans of Finch, Vol 4. Meet Sofia

In this volume of Humans of Finch, Sofia tells us about how her support network helped her navigate her anxiety and find her strength.

In this series, folks from all walks of life will be sharing their stories. We hope to build a community where we can see that there are others like us out there, where we can remember that we are not alone, and where we can find some strength and inspiration.

I’ve been having anxiety for pretty much my entire life. When I was little I would get these short periods of time where I literally couldn’t do anything. I could hardly think and was paralyzed in fear. I felt like the world was falling apart and I couldn’t be around any noise.

I never knew what it was. I always thought I was crazy. It started to get harder over the years. I remember there were times when I stopped eating because I was so scared or I couldn’t sleep for weeks: anxiety over literally nothing.

I had no way to tell anyone what was going on. Whenever I did get a chance to tell my parents, it was always: “it’s just anxiety. It’s no big deal,” which led me to worry that something was wrong with me. I felt like I was weak or fragile.

I tried to push it away, started trying to hide it and telling myself, “No, I’m fine. I’m strong enough to handle this.” But by the eighth grade, this process brought me into a full loathing of myself and feeling that I was never good enough. I felt like I was a horrible person and was bringing down everyone around me.

When I came to high school, I was lucky to find a new group of friends. A lot of them also struggled with depression and anxiety. They were willing to listen and share their own thoughts and feelings without being afraid that they would be ostracized. Hearing them talk about their struggles made me realize that maybe I don’t need to hate myself for my own challenges.

I started to feel like — look, here’s other people, like me, other people who aren’t crazy, aren’t weak, other people who are going through hard things, and they made it out okay — so maybe I will too. You start to think that maybe even if it is hard, and even if you feel terrible, you can get past it somehow and you can do it together with other people.

Anxiety is hard, and it’s a struggle for so many people. It doesn’t mean that something is wrong with me or that I’m weak for feeling this way. It’s not a matter of how strong you are that makes things hard. It’s hard because it is.

I don’t know if there is a happy ending to anxiety, a happily ever after where it vanishes for good. But knowing that it’s ok to feel the way you do, and that you’re not alone or crazy or wrong for feeling how you do, helps to make things easier.

The most important thing is knowing that you are not alone. Whenever you feel alone, you feel like there’s not much you can do to pull yourself out of a downward spiral. You’re just there and there’s no way out.

It took me a long time to realize that my feelings, the way that these things affect me, are important too. And it’s not just me. You have to put your feelings out there. Your feelings are valid, and you have to be able to share them with others, or else nothing will ever get better for you, or for anyone else.

I want people to know that they are strong and no matter what comes they can get through it. They are not crazy. They are not weak for feeling this way. Your feelings matter and you are not alone.

This interview has been edited and for length and clarity.

A big thank you to Sofia for sharing her story! Your bravery and sincerity mean a lot to all of us.

If you are interested in sharing your story for a future edition, please share your information here. If you have feedback for us, or if you’re a journalist or writer who would like to interview folks in the community and write these profiles, please reach out to us at humans-of-finch@befinch.com.