What is ‘Finding Relevance’?
And why I am sharing part of my story at this life juncture
In July I re-joined Investec after a three-year gap as a trial to see if I could help bring some structure and ‘drum beating’ to one of its management teams. At the same time, I was keen to share my experiences to see if any life lessons could be drawn from that time in between which felt like a big waste of time, money and in which my health had suffered.
This led me to seeking out a writer that might like to help me with telling my story and one lady was the standout ‘applicant’. Her name is Amira Aleem and I’d met her briefly at Escape the City’s offices around this time in 2016.
So I was working again at Investec and quite quickly I felt loved and valuable — and I had a place to go each day. My work with Amira began more or less at the same time.
Soon I saw a video one of Investec’s early founders where he spoke about the need to ‘be relevant to survive’ rather than aiming for this or that. This message resonated with me as I felt I’d found some relevance at work once more.
For me ‘relevance’ is an activity that I am capable of doing that someone else needs done because it will be valuable to them and their people. Nothing complicated but, as I felt when looking for work, it can be hard to express what I am capable of to the right people.
But something was not right
Three weeks ago today I arrived at Investec, which had been my workplace for the majority of life since 2005. I’d stayed up late the night before as I had a few things to get done, but I’d had five hour sleep and bounced out of bed in the Dalston flat where I’d lived since June.
As I walked to work on that Tuesday 21 November I had an extra spring in my step because I was speaking to my brother Sam on the phone before he went to bed at home in New Zealand.
I told him about the trailer for a film I was making for Investec about a conference in South Africa, and having been involved in the film industry for a few years as a lighting technician, Sam was pumped for his big brother.
The day started out as normal and after chatting to a mate from my old team, I met my boss Chris Meyer and my best friend at Investec, Jamie Reichman. They said they were worried about me — that others were too.
Jamie said I hadn’t been myself and after chatting to Simon, my therapist of four years, we agreed a week in The Priory might be a good idea. Chris was keen for me to be in a safe place and I had visions of running with deer on Richmond Park, just down Priory Lane where I used to play rugby.
And then we waited for the call to come from our Human Resources team.
This meant me and Jamie spent the whole day together walking around the City and Southbank including lunch at Ping Pong, which I had not done in ages. We laughed that it was the weirdest day we’d had at work — that we got to hang out all day together.
This is especially relevant as Jamie has been like a little brother to me at work, and even when in the three years that I did not work for Investec between 2014 and 2017.
And it is this period of my life I am sharing now, something only made possible through the unwavering support of people like Jamie and James Arnold at Investec, my mates Nick and Mat in London, Kadek in Bali, my tenant & friend Adele, and my family back in New Zealand.
My little brother Sam gets a special mention here because he is the family member that I asked to read my story as it touches a very sensitive subject — alcohol and my propensity to it over those three years of feeling lost and, at times, worthless.
And of course Amira, the author of Finding Relevance. It’s through the work we did in the summer and early autumn that I’m now in the position to publish my story. We made a great partnership.
My ‘Hypermanic’ state finally diagnosed
The final thing to say is that becoming a fearless sharer of my own feelings these last three years has helped me a lot to figure out if I have a mental illness, and the part (if any) loneliness and drinking has played.
And here at The Priory I have finally, at least six years on, been diagnosed as Hypermanic.
This feels like a gift, that has been handed to me as I start to tell my story. Things now make even more sense, “looking in the rear-view mirror” as one of my inspirations, Rob Symington says.
Me and Amira hope you will also find a gift in our sharing of my suffering through a series of blogs that are intended to be life lessons for anyone looking to escape to a new life.
Andy McLean
Room 28, The Priory, Southgate, London, 12 December 2017
