finding the familiar

I am the type of person that works around “the familiar” — like routines, the way I do things are the ways that I heal, live, be and move through life.

In my healing, I look for the familiar to get me from one thing to the next. I look for all the things that fill me with strength.

This week has had it’s challenges of finding that familiar, and right when I thought I had it, I was pushed back yet again; leaving me with more work to do — does it ever end? (I say that with great frustration)

It seems that I can never catch a break and just breathe. I find myself trying to find the familiar of what worked before, and I go from there to find my path again.

Right now I am in that cycle of trying to find what works, what I can depend on working, and finding grace and hope through that.

I feel the wind has been knocked out of my sail again, and I am on the sidelines fixing something that I never created to begin with, while everyone else is out there sailing.

So here I am, again, trying to find the familiar of what worked before, so I can move forward. Finding hope, grace, faith, and the little things that make me who I am.

Connection is a huge part of this.. and I am trying to find the connection again as well, but it has been altered in the past week.. so I am trying to find that as well — it’s there, I just have to reach it and take a hold of it.

I do know this much, it will all work out — I trust the process of healing… I have learned this for many years.. I just have to keep in mind “patience it will pass” and “I can talk about anything”.

I have the most amazing support in my life, but even that feels a little distorted right now — but I know I will find the grace in all around me, and it will all come together again on my path that I am walking on and towards — this is just a rough patch in the road, and I trust that God will help repair it as I walk.