I’ve Got Your Back: A Layman’s Look at Empathy
I’ve never really considered myself to be a “touchy-feely” person. Don’t get me wrong. I have a tremendous amount of feeling. Like, if I see any kind of injustice, it really gets under my skin. It doesn’t matter if it is a person, an animal, or some wrong-doing of any other kind. I feel like, if I am able, I should do something about it.
As a younger person, I didn’t really think about it much. Since I didn’t grow up in a very “scholarly atmosphere”, I didn’t learn the words to describe how one feels in a very dramatic way. I’ve simply lived — and done some pretty interesting things — based on these same thoughts, without realizing it. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started examining it more closely. I’ve found that there is a word — actually two — that make the subtle difference in how I feel and react. It’s the difference between empathy and sympathy.
Since I am only able to examine this from a layman’s point of view, I had to look up the meanings to be sure I understood how to use both words correctly.
“em·pa·thy /ˈempəTHē/ noun, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”
sym·pa·thy /ˈsimpəTHē/ noun feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune.
By looking it up, I realized that I had a TON of empathy, but I don’t usually feel pity or sorrow for others that often. It’s kind of interesting — when you Google “empathy”; the results send you a bunch of “food for thought”:
- What are the differences between sympathy and empathy?
- What are the 3 types of empathy? (What? There are types? I’m not going that far here!)
- Is it better to be sympathetic or empathetic? (I really thought I wanted to know — I didn’t want to be different than everyone else, for Pete’s sake!)
If there is a big flood or disaster, I truly feel for the victims, but I don’t pity them —my heart aches and the empathy in me wants to do something, so I donate in some way to help if I can. BUT, deep inside, I wish I could actually go there in person and help more.
In a similar way, if a friend loses a spouse or other loved one, I can’t just send one of those Hallmark cards with a simple “sorry” or the equivalent of “that’s too bad”. I have to say more. I have to handwrite something and try to say the wonderful things I would want someone to say to me. Also, deep inside, I wish I could go there and hug and make it better, but, in some cases, that might seem weird.
It’s only now — perhaps because I’m older — than I have begun to realize why I’ve done some of the things I have done, or said some of the things I have said, over the years. It’s never been enough to say, “that’s to bad”. I have to try to do something about it. The empathy that I feel for others is huge.
I can understand what others feel and experience, and feel the need to get involved — that need to help make things better. And I will always do so. I’ve got your back.
