How I deal with anxiety every day
No breaks 24/7 — My journey
Anxiety is a silly word that seems made up, but somehow it affects millions of people around the globe — perhaps it’s because it’s not fabricated and it’s very real.
I’m in no way an expert in mental illness or disorders but became involuntarily an expert in my own experience and how it felt every waking moment 24/7.
To me sometimes anxiety presents itself when I have to check the house 3 times before leaving to make sure I closed the windows (considering I have a cat) even tho I know I closed them, or check another 3 times if I put on the alarm, other times is not being able to leave the house if someone is in the corridor or telling my friends to be quiet when they are loud in public.
These are some of the things my anxiety loves to do, but I present you the journey…
Part I: Strangers
Anxiety was already there since I can even start to remember, first it was a stranger who had come into my space uninvited, and without my consent, started to change all the walls around, painting in colors I didn’t approve of.
I felt confused as to why I didn’t notice that presence before, and my mind was filled with questions, what changed? why now? what was wrong with me? — It was scary not knowing to the full extent what was gonna change from now on and so I decide to become friends.
Part II: Friends
Slowly it did become a friend with whom I’ve learned to deal with, my space became mine once more, it was I who made the decisions again, so I stripped the old color dear anxiety choose for my walls and painted fresh new.
I learned it didn’t go away nor did it sleep, as friends’ anxiety gave me advice on where not to go, what not to dress, and what not to eat, it loved to play a game with me, giving jump scares on the most different places, school, home, or when I was with other friends, and so that’s the moment I realized it was toxic.
Part III: Toxic Friendship
See anxiety was a very jealous friend, she didn’t appreciate it when I decided to go out with other people, so she would say things to manipulate me into staying home with her where she would make me believe it was “safe”.
So my dear best friend anxiety and I became inseparable, entering a loop where it was just me and her, I didn’t go out, study for school, or do anything that could be considered fun related, I would get anxious about the little and big things, cause my room was the “safe place”.
Part IV: Acceptance
One day I moved away from my hometown, friends, and family to study I was alone and had to make a decision, take this opportunity and start my life again with no fears or let anxiety once more ruin it for me.
It wasn’t easy it took a lot of effort (months of it) to be able to talk with people comfortably, not have panic attacks, and not be worried about every single aspect and detail around me, once I allowed myself to do that I started to grow.
Part V: Growing
Right now as I’m writing this, I finally can say I truly found a way to cope with anxiety, it took me some time and it wasn’t easy but everyone got their methods, mine was just to take one day at a time.
I still struggle with anxiety every day, but my partner reminds me of one of the most important lessons, I control anxiety but she doesn’t control me.
Final Thoughts
In the end, everyone has their struggles and for some people out there, maybe the ones reading this, it might seem impossible to overcome them but give it time because time is your most precious jewel.
I went to a psychologist who told me that forgiving myself was the first step, the second one was when feeling overwhelmed, I should try and view the situation with a different perspective and turn bad thoughts into good ones, trying to use the phrase “I can’t” the least possible.
The final step was understanding what were my triggers, and what made me the most anxious, using that to try in the best way possible to work my response to it. A good method to do this was to write in a journal whenever I felt anxious and look for a pattern.
So here you have my full journey into understanding, accepting, and working on my anxiety, I hope some of you can relate to my story or at least feel understood. You’re not alone.
