How To Design A Productive Startup Office For Your Employees

Designing a productive startup office is no easy task. When it comes to new and thriving businesses, startups are the future, so we obviously need to consider the future of the workforce here.

According to a recent Gallup poll, 37% of millennials say they “don’t feel inspired at work” while 99% say they “just want a cool looking office they can Instagram 4 times a day.”

While creating opportunities for growth and offering ongoing mentorship are kinda important (whatever) — making your office look cool with random art and lime green unergonomic chairs will get you an article on TechCrunch.

You built this startup from nothing, and after working in the cousin of your friend’s uncle’s garage for two years, you finally acquired enough VC cash to lock down a lease to a nice office.

So move that powerpoint file on building a positive company culture to the trash and let’s get designing! Here is a list of things your startup office should have:

A fuckton of dogs

Call it a “dog-friendly” office. You want your startup to be part workplace, part animal shelter. This is easily achievable by having a ton of furry friends around the office for your workforce to play with.

Do your employees have deliverables due by the EOD? Are they up to their neck in Zendesk support tickets? Forget all that and let them pet one of the 50 dogs in your *now more productive* office.

You’re probably wondering:

| “Won’t these dogs make the office messier?”

Put a sock in it, Karen. It’s not like they’re gonna pee and shit on everything. They’re probably potty trained, right?

Chairs that look like you aren’t supposed to sit in them

We never understood this phenomenon with startups and you’re probably thinking “what the hell are you guys talking about.”

OK, HEAR US OUT

Every startup office has these chairs that look like they were designed by a one-eyed Terry Crews. Are they supposed to match the decor or are they meant to be comfortable? No clue. But they’re a must-have.

We’ll show you some examples.

Are these chairs really meant to be sat on? I know they’re building websites at Wix but they can at least build some decent furniture.

23andme is still trying to crack the genetic code on building comfortable sitting receptacles.

Honestly, I’m pretty sure this is just a cafe for squirrels.

Google just went full on ‘fuck you’ and just filled a room with colorful bean bags because it boosts #creativity in the workplace.

Actually, these look pretty comfortable. I take it back — Google you are amazing and everything you do is perfect.

So we kinda have a point here. We’re not sure where this trend of wacky shaped and colored chairs came from. All we know is that it’s not stopping anytime soon.

Beer on tap — all the goddamn time

You’re gonna need your sales team liquored up to make those tough cold calls and your engineers sloshed to write even a decent line of code.

Bagels and coffee are relics of past office breakrooms. Now, your startup breakroom better outshine the Courtyard Marriott — or your employees will start handing in letters of resignation.

You want your employees to brag to their friends about your hip cool new productive office. Besides the fact that your company may have only a couple of months of runway left, all your employees will ever talk about is the beer on tap!

Such a great piece of extrinsic motivation.

No more than 13 inches of space between co-workers

Open offices are now all the rage. Cubicles and other office space layouts used to seclude co-workers so they wouldn’t have to talk to each other or hear one another mouth-breathe really loudly (talking about you Nancy, either get some Claritin or work from home).

But startup offices are all about #collaboration now and an open office breaks down the walls of seclusion.

Many will argue that non-open offices didn’t cause a lot of distractions and they were able to get their work done in a more productive manner. We call bullshit.

Facebook? Open office.

Twitter? Open office.

Magic Leap? Probably open office but nobody really knows.

Despite the fact that your employees will have virtually no quiet space to work or a way to escape when they need to decompress — we still call bullshit.

These office layouts came out of startups based on strategic design and constant iteration using the lean startup build measure learn model — not out of sheer necessity, right?

Right.

Meeting rooms with all glass walls

All glass walls mean more #transparency.

Assuming here that this design helps with more natural light in the office or something — glass walls are a non-negotiable.

Nothing gets more productivity out of your employees than the thought of “oh shit, everyone can see what I’m doing even though I’m in a different room.”

Here are some great examples:

Inspirational Quotes And Buzzwords — Everywhere

Bonus: Succulents everywhere

Buy these and scatter them around the whole office to make your employees feel like they’re outside. Now that you have all the tools — you’re well on your way to designing a productive startup office.

Just remember that it doesn’t matter what the company does — but how it looks to the people who don’t work there.