What To Do After Closing The Deal? Here’s Our Suggestion

So you finally closed that big sale and have that feeling of self-accomplishment. After dozens of cold calls, multiple product demos, and countless instances of promising things that your company probably can’t do — you finally got them to sign on the line which is dotted.

You probably even utilized some of those foot-in-the-door techniques.

But what do you do now?

A lot of blogs out there will tell you things like:

| “Keep your promises and be sure you are committed to delivering the product”

or:

| “Stay focused and find new prospects”

or:

| “Try and upsell them because if anything, people love getting things sold down their throat right after they bought your shit”

Of course, these are important. Keep your pipeline fresh. Hunt your new leads like a lion hunting a wounded impala in the Sahara. Since you’re in sales, we assume that you learned your ABC’s from Glengarry Glen Ross.

But for any recent close, the most important thing for you to do is to spend that commission money like it’s coming out your metaphorical asshole.

You just earned some serious cash — goddammit go treat yourself.

Depending on whether you just sold CRM software to your local tarot card reader or a new architecture plan to the Crown Prince of Montenegro — your budget will vary.

Here at the Fireside Post, we put together our hand-picked list of frivolous shit you should spend that hard earned cash on:

1. Bose A20 Aviation Headset

Nothing says “I’m on a very important call with the decision maker” more than wearing a pair of these audacious Bose headphones.

While these ear muffs are specifically designed for pilots flying private Gulfstream jets — one can easily make the argument to his/her superior that these headphones will increase their productivity and close rate.

| “Wow, it’s so much easier for me to hear my prospective client’s rejections that I’ve become way better at rebutting them!”

– Carson Chandler — former SDR recently promoted to Account Executive who has made a total of 4 sales

| “Even though I’ve missed quota the last three months, they make me feel like a really successful salesman when I wear them around the office kitchen shouting my pitch to the gatekeeper”

-Kyle Miller — Newly hired SDR

| “They seem very overpriced and pointless for anyone in our sales department”

-Katy Lang — Director of Inside Sales, thinks she knows it all (she doesn’t)

Obviously, in unanimous agreement, these are a great purchase for any up and coming salesperson. The headphones retail at the staggering but super fair price of $995.99 for a salesperson like you so get your company card out and ball out. Add these to your Amazon cart and you’ll be on track to hit that quota next month.

2. A Standing Desk

“Um, actually a standing desk activates nerves in our Quadriceps that would normally stay dormant with a traditional sitting desk” is one of the million random factoids you can start saying to your co-workers after setting up your workstation with a sleek standing desk.

Despite the radical physical transition from standing all day at work to sitting — we see zero downsides!

Similar to joining a CrossFit gym, buying a standing desk comes with some clout over your peers.

“Oh you keep getting the dial tone? Maybe it has to do with your primitive posture” you say to your co-worker as you tug at your calf to get the blood circulation flowing again so you don’t lose feeling.

When you finally get it installed and everyone in your office starts to give you the stinkeye, just send them this diagram over email:

It may be a bit complicated for them to digest at first because their brains are a bit sedentary — like their posture. Eventually, it’ll make sense and they will understand that this is the new you.

Eventually, people will accept this new you until you decide to throw it in the dumpster after 4 months.

3. Pay Malcolm Brenner $10,000 To Teach You How To Have Sex With A Dolphin

Yea, we ran out of products so you should just have sex a dolphin.

Ok, hear us out:

Don’t spend money on exotic cars, private jets, and luxury jewelry (pronounced ‘jurey’ if you’re DJ Khaled). Those are just material things — they will eventually break down and rust.

Tony Robbins (or some other motivation speaker guy that makes you pay for a $10k ‘mastermind’) preaches to spend money on experiences, not possessions.

We really couldn’t agree more with the ‘Robbster’ (we’re really close). Spending money on an experience like this is invaluable.

How many people get back from the Bahamas and say “oh yea, it was beautiful — and we swam with dolphins!” *YAWN* That story couldn’t be more boring. Nothing new here. But now, you barge into that story with your head held high and say, “oh yea, well I f*cked one!”

Boom. Formal HR report filed. You’re on your way up.

Thanks, Malcolm. Nothing like a quick dolphin fuck after a closed deal.

But who is Malcolm Brenner? He is a guy that actually had sex with a dolphin.

The link above will give you more details but in our expert opinion — he’s the guy to reach out to.

Now get out there you airplane headset wearing, standing desk using, dolphin f*cking salesperson and close some deals!