Some Opening Thoughts
There is a lot of curiosity about how I have managed to break into the IFS. I guess only I was certain that I would make it. The reactions that I have received from people at large range from pleasant surprise to pure shock. Maybe this is because I’m not your conventional UPSC aspirant. I don’t believe that you have to destroy your life and your personality to clear what is arguably the most competitive and back-breaking examination in the country. Have a life. Enjoy your latte and a Tarkovsky film on a saturday night.
However, Prioritise. And always keep your eyes on the prize.
My UPSC journey reminds me of what Murakami writes in Kafka on the Shore.
Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm is all about.”
(Sorry if this is getting a bit too over-the-top graphic/literary :)
I decided to write the exam at the age of 20. I started preparing at the age of 22. I am 26 now. The past 4 years, being smack in the middle of this violent, metaphysical and symbolic storm, have totally changed me as a person — emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. Going through this process, emerging victorious, hale and hearty, becoming a better human being, crafting a career for myself in a job that I know I will absolutely love — It has been a tough but an immensely gratifying journey.
Anyway, why am I putting in all this work this summer to curate this blog?
Firstly, the past 4 years have been an emotional roller-coaster ride for my entire family. My parents saw me work really hard, falter and fall flat on my face. I made mistakes — academic, strategic and emotional mistakes. I want aspirants to save their time and energy by avoiding the mistakes that I made. And I want aspirants to know what they are getting themselves into. You know, all those things that I wish someone had told me before I took the big plunge into the great ocean of uncertainty that is Civil Services…
Secondly, I do not want to be one of those toppers who forget about the aspirant community once they clear the exam. They don’t give any interviews or talks. They don’t share their strategy, notes and timetables. I guess it’s a personal choice. However, I feel super blessed that my hard work paid off. I genuinely feel that it is my duty and responsibility to put myself out there and share my experience with students who are still stuck in the rut of pre-mains-interview. If I can, in my own tiny way, motivate them, why not? Well, my public service starts right here and right now.
Thirdly, this exam is confusing and annoying as hell. It is an organisational, emotional nightmare and unlike anything you have ever done before or will ever do again in your life. There will be times when you will feel that your human existence has just ended. You will feel that you are on the brink of a nervous breakdown and emotional meltdown. You will look at yourself in the mirror and wonder what you have turned into. Been there, done that. Watching the talks of top rankers or reading the blogs of successful candidates gave me so much peace. Special shout out to Petal Gahlot, Gazal Bharadwaj, Artika Shukla, Kumar Aashirwad, Tina Dabi for making the effort to help aspirants. So yes, it’s my turn now. I will try my best to clear out the fog and the haze through this blog.
Lastly, I am getting a lot of requests to give tips and guidance. I don’t know how qualified I am to give anyone guidance but yes, I can share my own story. Once training starts in August, I’ll be super busy, so it will be impossible to meet students and give them moral support. So maybe, you can read these articles and find some positivity. Also, I am your average nerd. I am no one special. If I have been able to do it, you can do it too! The only thing that differentiated me from the rest was that I was focussed and happy in my third attempt. Just get your mindset right and execute your gameplan with diligence and patience. But please remember one thing — listen to everyone but do what your heart tells you to do. You know yourself best. You are your own best advisor. If you find something valuable in my experience, emulate and replicate it. If it doesn’t work for you, then don’t do it.
I hope you derive value from everything that I put up. And may the most hard-working, compassionate, positive, honest and humble candidates win! :)
All the best ❤
