How learning German alleviated my dismay
Burned out and unfulfilled by my supposedly successful life, I looked for meaning in an entirely foreign set of words.
By Jennifer Crawford
I took French in the seventh grade. I can still remember the name of my French teacher, Mrs. Buckley. She was a sweet and patient instructor who tried to pass on to a classroom of twelve-year-olds an interest and desire to learn her romantic native language.
It was easy for me to memorize words that were new, but they simply had no meaning for me at that time in my life. I grew up in a home where only English was spoken. I lived in a neighborhood where English was the only language I heard.
At the age of fifteen, I befriended a girl who was in one of my high school classes. Her parents were in the military and had lived overseas a few times; at one point in South Korea. During our senior year of high school, she informed me that her family was moving to Germany. She asked if I wanted to come, and I said “yes.”
I had more or less given up on my ability to ever develop my German language skills.
I graduated from high school on June 3rd of 1991, and exactly one month later on July 3rd, I boarded an airplane for western Europe.
I was excited about beginning a new chapter in my life. In the evenings, I took German classes. I was in a classroom filled with other Americans who were new to the country and the language.
Though I was told to stop “thinking in English,” I had a hard time because I found German sentence structure quite different from that of English. My frustrations developed into a strong sense of self-doubt. Was it even possible for me to learn another language after only speaking one for so long? In spite of myself, when I tried to understand German sentence structure, I would translate everything in my head into English.
Mr. Bruno was my favorite German teacher. He was patient, and he seemed to sincerely enjoy teaching others how to speak German. He also never gave up on any of us as we struggled through the sessions.
I want to point this out because looking back at this time in my life, I realize now that I had more or less given up on my ability to ever develop my German language skills.
One evening, my friend and I visited the home of a local German family. To this day, I cannot recall any details about this particular family, such as their names or where exactly they lived. But during our visit, one of the German ladies began to speak slowly in German to me. She did not speak any English, and I was excited by my ability to understand her. That moment was almost spiritual. I felt different, as if I had entered another realm because I was listening to and understanding another human being speaking outside of my native language. This pleasant, German woman had no idea how she helped build up my confidence.
I was going through the motions of what a “successful” life should consist of, but I was losing touch with the things that gave me a sense of fulfillment.
In 1993, I flew back to the United States and made it all the way through grad school. I was going through the motions of what a “successful” life should consist of, but I was losing touch with the things that gave me a sense of fulfillment. Being back in America took away the challenge of focusing on a foreign language.
As the years went by, I was dealt a heaping number of distressing events that took a toll on my overall outlook on life. Instead of feeling positive, happy and in control of my life, I dealt with negative thoughts based on my prior experiences, which robbed me of any joy I had and left me feeling trapped in my own life.
Adding to my already significant inner turmoil, in 2015, my mother was diagnosed with a degenerative medical condition. The following year, I experienced “burnout” in my professional life.
It was at this point that I knew I had to do something to improve my life. I questioned my strengths and skills. Ultimately, I had to ask myself, “what is going to make me happy?” It seemed as if the things that were supposed to give me a sense of accomplishment (higher education, home ownership, decent jobs) were not helping me. Honestly, I began to hate my life.
I came face to face with what had crossed my mind several years ago: living overseas was the most peaceful time in my life. I loved traveling throughout Germany. I have fond memories of visiting castles, dining at unique restaurants (my favorite was the one built into the side of a mountain but I can’t remember the name of it) and admiring the beauty of the country.
I needed a sense of purpose. I realized that I had reached a point where I had no desire to live because I was so miserable. When I thought back to how my goal had been to learn German and the progress I made years ago, I figured to myself, “Why not work at it again?”
As I get older, I understand myself more and more. I am what is referred to as a “life-long learner.” I simply love to learn new things.
While living in Germany, I began to think of it as my second home. I had fallen in love with the country over 25 years ago, and after all that time, I decided to renew my vows. I decided that I want to become fluent in German.
My world feels bigger now that I have been learning again. I have actually broadened my German vocabulary. I know that if I were to board a plane tomorrow, I could confidently fly to Germany knowing that I would be able to get around because I have developed a better understanding of the
language.
My goal is to actually do so: to visit more cities and towns and speak
confidently with more of the local people. And with my eventual return to Germany on the not-too-distant horizon, I feel happy.
Decipher meaning in a new language; decipher meaning in life? Only one way to find out. Try a free language lesson here.
