Fighting Shadows
A shadow does not hold a life of its own; it simply mirrors reality. Sometimes a shadow casts an easy to identify silhouette, sometimes a distorted one. The difference often is simply a difference in viewpoint- or perspective, and light angles.
The year 2020 was full of shadows. As the world adjusted, shadows were cast in every direction. Many people felt that their perspective was the “right” one regarding quarantine, lock-down, opening up the economy, how disastrous Covid-19 actually was, how we should respond. All of these opinions based on limited factual information created emotional conversations- but how many of these conversations accurately reflected reality, and how many were distorted by emotions, personal experience or lack thereof, bias, and questionable or incomplete research?
During the summer of 2019, I started my first hospital job as an ER Tech. By January 2020, we were starting to get information about Covid-19 from China. I thought they must be exaggerating, because I was doing what people often do- I dismissed information given to me because I had no personal experience to compare it to. I had never worked through a pandemic before, as I spent my whole life sheltered by advancements in healthcare from previous generations. If it weren’t for the experience I worked through over the next several years, I may never have changed my mind.
We can all see a shadow, but sometimes they are hard to interpret. Treating Covid-19 was like fighting a shadow- the shadow itself is a mirror of reality. If you don’t fight or treat it’s maker, you’re only chasing the symptoms.
I often worked in triage, where patients walked in through the front door. I probably took vital signs and moved hundreds of patients that came in saying they couldn’t breathe- even though their pulse oxymetry was within normal limits. I didn’t dismiss what they were telling me because 1. I knew that at the time, we didn’t know much about Covid-19 and 2. because I knew that patients exposed to carbon monoxide poisoning will still have good oxygen readings, even though they can’t breathe- I imagined this was something similar.
Carbon monoxide binds with hemoglobin in a way that makes the oxygen unable to be used by body tissue. Years later, I read an article that said that Covid-19 causes red blood cells to be released from bone marrow prematurely- which makes them unable to transport oxygen throughout the body. In both cases, a patient’s body may have enough oxygen in it, hence the good reading- but are unable to use it. Of course they felt like they couldn’t breathe.
To win a fight, you need to be prepared- but how to you prepare for something you know very little about? We didn’t even know if we needed to use droplet precautions, contact precautions, or airborne precautions to keep ourselves and our families safe. Every shift, I would get to work 30 minutes early, and change into green hospital scrubs. Every night I would change, drop off my used scrubs in the laundry, and head home. We were told to empty our pockets and take off all of our jewelry before entering isolation rooms so that we were taking as little as possible into the rooms.
Initially I worked as a PPE Coach and watched every move that every nurse, doctor or x ray tech would make when entering and exiting isolation rooms. I was the only tech on night shift for thirty rooms on many nights, so I was running back and forth quite a bit. I would watch staff put on their PPE, watch them in the rooms to make sure a glove didn’t break, that they didn’t expose their backs to the patients (our gowns only covered the front of the body) and I would watch them take off their PPE before leaving. I did this for a month or so, until staff was comfortable enough without being coached. It was mentally exhausting.
Not long after the pandemic began, it became community spread, and we ran out of isolation rooms. Covid patients would have to go into regular rooms that didn’t have negative air pressure.
I followed CDC protocol, and wore a simple surgical mask with my Covid patients unless they were on 6 liters of oxygen per minute or more- then I wore an N-95 with a surgical mask over it. I worked in the hospital for years, and managed to not contract Covid from my patients. My family and I didn’t get sick until after we were vaccinated, thankfully. Our son’s babysitter caught Covid then we did afterwards. I cannot believe the number of people who would say that masks don’t work, or that only N-95 masks would work, because my professional experience said otherwise.
The spring of 2020 was so hectic, I lost 10 lbs without even realizing it.
I lived in this bizarre dichotomy where I’d go to work, and we’d all feel like we were drowning. Then I would talk to friends or family that didn’t work in healthcare and they’d tell me how it wasn’t that serious. At the time, it felt like a slap in the face, but looking back, the “shadows” of Covid that I saw were less distorted than the second or third hand accounts they were getting from the news, or their own lack of personal or professional experience.
I’m not an expert in every field, but I try to discerningly trust people that are. If only people would do the same for healthcare workers.
My initial Covid-19 post:
My first look back:
I do not publish my posts behind a “paywall,” so read as much as you like.
