Ramblings from a Dispatcher on Motherhood
Many years ago, I worked as an EMT for a private EMS company. It was a mom and pop style company, and I really enjoyed my time there. However, my job could definitely still be stressful.
During my pregnancy, I switched to dispatching. After having my baby, I tried to work on the truck, but found it too difficult- the hours and the lifting were just too much. I ended up switching to dispatching permanently. My life included some adjustments for sure.
Below I have listed my miscellaneous rant I wrote out one frustrating night. Enjoy!
It’s too easy to forget. Wake up, rush out the door with bleary eyes, and already busting at the seams with things to do. I put on my uniform, becoming a different person, pack my lunch like a good little adult, and head to work. Clock in, and log in with all of my passwords. I talk to people all day, maybe a hundred. Happy, angry, sad, rambling, and confused people. And every person makes me feel like I’m giving away minutes of my life. Who knows how much of my life these people we never meet will get? Day after day, week after week, I turn the hamster wheel and do the same thing, and talk to mostly the same people.
I’m tired, overweight, and feel haggard. How easy was it to forget how it felt to be free, my life as my own? The world, my life, the only life I’ll ever know, seemed possible of greatness. I would have my life together, make it into a good and meaningful career, and always have fun. Into my 30’s, I still live paycheck to paycheck. I don’t remember how to have fun.
Sometimes when I look at my son I get sad. If he lives to be old, he will probably be taken care of by nursing staff, who will probably look at him like he’s a burden, as they earn their own paycheck. My baby is not a burden, he is a great joy to my life, my husband, and our family. He is my most precious. He is full of life, and wonder, and wants to learn and be helpful. He is adorable to look at, and watch, and his hugs melt my heart.
I don’t want him to be bed bound, confused, or on dialysis. I don’t want him to grow old, or bitter, or lonely. I love him and want good things for him more than I ever wanted for myself. I want him to be viewed as precious, even after I’m gone. But this is not how we view our fellow man. They are simply burdens in our way.
Healthcare workers view life differently, no doubt about it. We are put into a position that gives us a glimpse into the most vulnerable parts of a stranger’s life. It doesn’t matter if it’s a 911 dispatcher taking an emergency call, or the crew responding to the call and entering their homes. It doesn’t matter if it’s a private EMS dispatcher or crew, as they develop relationships with their regulars, and still witness a variety of medical conditions and witness struggling and suffering on a long term basis. Of course, a multitude of other medical professionals have their own life view as well.
Entering a career in the medical field has it’s adjustments. It can be especially challenging with family changes as well. You absolutely need to have a hobby or some other outlet to work out your stress.
Looking back on this tired rant from years ago, I realize that some things have changed, some haven’t. I never did go back to working on an ambulance. I still love and enjoy my not so little son. I’m still a little overweight but no longer feel haggard.
I’ve also come to learn that our little daily habits really do effect our quality of life in a big way, which gives me hope for my son’s life.
I do not publish behind a “paywall,” so read all you’d like.
