Family Matters: Bringing the Job Home

It is not easy to leave work at work when you’re a cop. The events of the day can stick with you and spill over into your family life, for better or for worse.

There are times when you will want to share what happened during the workday with your family, and there are times when you not only have no interest in discussing the day’s events but it would also be inappropriate to lay out the nitty-gritty details over dinner. There’s a time to share, and a time to spare when it comes to involving your family in the day-to-day happenings on the job, and there is no set way to decide which path to take. Rather, your decision on how much to talk to your family about your job should be based on:

• How you feel: There are some days when you are too exhausted to talk too much about what went on at work. Good or bad, you may feel like decompressing rather than engaging. This doesn’t have to be a problem; simply communicate that to your spouse and kids, and take your space. When you’re ready, engage regarding what happened to them during the day and set the tone for the conversation.
• The interest of your spouse: Some spouses want to know everything about what happens while on the job, and some spouses prefer not to hear too much about the dangerous details. You don’t want to overshare if it’s going to cause your spouse high levels of stress, but you should feel free to talk about your day when your spouse would like to be there to support you and listen.
• The age of your children: Your job may be a source of pride for your children, but it can also be a source of fear for them, regardless of their ages. It can be a good idea to share the victories and the funny things that happen on the job when they are around, but in most cases, it’s best to avoid conversation about the more disturbing calls. Even if you attempt to speak in euphemisms, it can cause unnecessary stress for kids.
• What you shared recently: If every day in the last week you have come home with horror stories or high levels of stress, it may be a good idea to allow your family time to focus on your family. It’s not always easy to shift focus, especially when things are stressful on the job, but your family needs you to be present. If you can actively turn your attention to positive things at home, it can serve you and your family well.

Family Support

It’s not always easy to be married to a police officer or to be a cop’s kid. Family support is essential — whether it comes in the form of time spent with other officers’ families or with regular therapy sessions — and it’s important for you to take part as well.

How do you balance work and family?

What works and what doesn’t when it comes to including your family in your work life without exposing them to worry unnecessarily?

This article was originally published by James E. Morrison, retired Chicago Police Officer and Employee Assistance Program Treatment Consultant for Law Enforcement at American Addiction Centers, on LinkedIn.