Unfucking Your Shitty Session

Even the most seasoned pros at D&D have those nights at the table when things go horribly wrong, and you just want to pull out the Tarrasque figurine and reduce everything to smoking rubble. Tempting as that is, there’s always hope that the players can put their cell phones down, concentrate, and stop being jerks to one another. I’m here to tell you that there are some things you can do to correct that, and even prevent that from happening.

Step 1. Flip the fucking table over.

Historical depiction of Jesus, having grown fed up with the Bard constantly trying to seduce everything in the game, and the Cleric always being on his phone while He’s reading box text then later asking, “Wait, what’s in this room again?”

Just kidding. That might feel really good in the white hot heat of the moment, but ultimately won’t do any good.

Some part of the game experience is accepting that the dungeon master doesn’t need to influence game play too heavily, as the players should be dictating how most conflicts are resolved. The real logjams result mostly from expectations from the players. Even your own expectations will have the momentum screech to a halt, and it won’t help matters to loudly insist it happens the way you’d imagined it. Nor will it help matters to submissively surrender the game to those aggrieved, but you can be proactive.

Allow them to talk this out, and encourage that by suggesting rather than making demands. Take notice of the players that have withdrawn completely and ask them questions, taking care to diffuse any annoyance at the fuckery that got everyone in this jam. Even if all you manage to do is keep a shitty tone from entering your demeanor, you’re helping undo the damage. A poor attitude is contagious, and soon even the most relaxed player can be drawn into the suck, so keep a cool head.

In listening to them, try real hard to weed through their frustrations to discern what they want from the situation. Letting them vent, if steered properly, could improve the mood of the room and help you turn everyone’s attention back to having fun again. That works SO much better if it is just one player that’s flustered, but two or more can get dicey, as you must be even-handed while arbitrating a dispute. So letting them holler it out at one another is definitely unwise.

“I know his Rogue stole your spellbook, but you can’t just throw a can of Pepsi at his head, Mark. Kaylee thinks he might need stitches.”

There are definitely many ways where each player gets closer to what they want out of this game, but rarely does every player end up one hundred percent satisfied (and it’s a waste of time trying feverently to plan THAT mode of DM’ing). Throw the players most willing to participate in unfucking this mess an in-game reward of potions, coin, etc. After all, benevolent attitudes are just as contagious as shitty ones, so you’d do well to encourage those heroes of the game table who can harmonize their expectations.

I know this does not provide a remedy for every dysfunction, but is a start to keep grudges from forming in your group that so often fracture even the best of friends rolling dice together.

Thanks again for reading, and hit me up with your questions/comments below in the comments section!