Becoming a better father, husband, and man through extreme self-awareness

Regardless of the situation, I feel that self-awareness is one of the best skills a person can have. The unique ability to really take a look into the mirror and reflect upon where you stand can have such positive and lasting impact on your life.

In fatherhood, I believe it to be ever-important and an incredibly-difficult thing at which to be consistent.

With that said, I’ve removed the blinders and put on my self-awareness goggles. And, I have a confession to make.

I have not been my best self lately.

It started back in the fall when, at work, I embarked upon the craziest and most demanding project of my career. That workload and the commitment and focus necessary to pull it off put an undoubtable strain on pretty much everything else in my life.

I put everything else on the back burner. I lost focus on my health. I don’t feel I was fulfilling my duties as a husband. I half-assed things when it came to my children. And, I’ve otherwise been in a pretty miserable place.

While I can look back and be mostly proud of the work I produced, I’ve realized that it’s not the best I could have done. Frankly, when I’m not at the top of my game as a husband, father, and man, I cannot be my best self in any area of my life.

This realization is exactly why First Time Father Project exists. Life is hard. For Dads managing priorities by the dozen with the goal of being the best versions of themselves for the benefit of the people they care about, it’s even harder. In fact, it’s extremely difficult.

If “being my best self” was a goal, I failed. Plain and simple.

Now, some of you reading this may think I’m overreacting. Those of you who know me may say, “everything seemed perfect.”

I’m not and you’re wrong.

It’s not that I’ve slipped into some hole from which I cannot return. I just expect more from myself when it comes to being a husband, father, and man. I don’t want to simply go through the motions. I don’t want to be a passive partner in parenting. I want to be everything to everyone that needs me and show up every single day.

Besides, only I can decide if I’m being my best self. Only you can become self-aware to your situation and stature in life. Sure, others can provide feedback and opinions on where you stand. You can choose to place value in that commentary or not. But, only you can truly put a thumbtack at the location of where you stand on the proverbial map of life.

And, if you’re not where you’d like to be, only you can make the decision to get there. Only you can decide what your best-self is. And, only you can decide to become that.

So, after a pretty honest and hard look at where I stand, I’ve determined that I’m not at my best as a father, husband, and man.

The good news? I intend to get back there. And, isn’t that one of life’s treasures? Regardless of where you are in relation to your desired existence, you can always strive to be better — time and again, if needed.

That’s what I intend to do. But, how?

Like any fault, I believe it starts with addressing the problem. For me, this essay achieves that. For you, maybe there are conversations you need to have or other reparations required.

Next, I’m re-committing to taking parenting seriously. You see, it’s a job, a requirement, and the most important thing you’ll do in a day — and over a lifetime. Taking it half-ass and otherwise sleepwalking through it does no one any good. I commit to taking my role more seriously.

I also tend to let my mind wander. When in the moment — as a father, husband or even outside of those duties — I am not fully there. It’s a condition I’ve learned in business. Thinking “what’s next?” in a business sense allows you to always be moving forward, staying ahead of the competition, and provides a valuable edge. In other aspects of life, it sucks the joy out of moments that are otherwise memorable and fleeting.

I’m committing to living by my priorities. My daughters and wife are my priority and will be treated as such. Moments with them are the true meaning to this life as a father and husband, so when I have the opportunity to be in a moment with them, the phone will be down, the what’s-next thoughts will be suppressed, and I’ll be taking it all in. Returning to the fully-engaged man I’m proud to truly be will put me in a position to respond to their needs from a much better place, which has everlasting positive impact.

Also, I’m committing to me. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, how can you take care of others? If you’re not sharpening your own skills, how can you show up best for your children and partner? This lesson is a tough one to learn for Dads and surely the cause of so much strife — I know it has been for me.

I need to be fulfilled in order to be my best self. For me, that fulfillment comes in two forms: creative fulfillment and health/fitness fulfillment. Plainly put, if I’m not letting out the creativity inside my body on a daily basis, it turns into pent-up frustration. If I’m not sticking to a running or workout regimen of some kind (whether self-directed or in-training for a competition), I feel like shit.

I’m committing to feeding the creative and health/wellness portions of my person. I will do this through a commitment to more and regular engagement with the First Time Father Project and other forthcoming writing and audio projects. With regards to my health and wellness, I am commiting to drinking less, eating better with more consistency, and running both a Ragnar and a half-marathon in 2019. I find that setting these types of goals helps keep me on track.

Finally, I’m committing to consistency. All of my other commitments and vows are useless without consistent action and habits. Consistency is something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember and it’s limited my growth and success for years — both in relationships and business. I’ve always felt my values have always been in line with the vision I have for myself, but consistent action has often led me off of the path that seemed so clear. I believe committing to consistency is the most important action I can take.

So, after an exhaustive self-awareness process, I’ve determined that I’m not where and who I want to be. Are you where you want to be as a father, husband, and man? If so, congratulations — please share with us how you achieved this status. If not, what are your plans to get there?