A year ago today, I penned a blog post for my previous employer during Women’s History Month discussing the impact my mom had on my career — and my approach to managing difficult professional situations.
A year later, in the wake of my mom’s passing, I am contemplating the importance of women in our nation’s history, as a Black, Southeast Asian woman fills the office of vice president. There are many more amazing female role models around the globe. While my mom wasn’t a Rosa Parks or a Shirley Chisholm, she did shatter some glass ceilings as a single mom and the first female CEO of a state-funded regional mental health institution in the state of Minnesota.
I can tell you, with clarity, that my 12-year-old self did not fully appreciate Mom’s achievement at the time. Likely, because she dressed me up as an elf — in an actual Christmas tree skirt she made herself — to sing carols and distribute candy to residents in the facility’s cafeteria during the holidays. This facility not only included mentally handicapped persons, but sex offenders, drug addicts, and others whose needs required remediation and medication. My younger brother got to wear some green tights for the occasion, too. Let’s just say, after this particular assignment, my pre-teen indoctrination into social services volunteerism left little to the imagination.
What I did learn from my mom in my early career, however, was:
- To never take myself too seriously
- Pragmatism trumps idealism — you will never get it all done
- Being a strong woman is not an easy path, but you’ll sleep better being true to yourself
- It’s worth it to ask and challenge assumptions, but always go in with a back-up plan
One of the most important things my mom taught me as a young professional was how to turn concerns and criticisms into strengths as a way to disarm your skeptics. Too young? Well, I have endless enthusiasm and energy that will buoy your team. Too inexperienced? I can use my fresh set of eyes to help provide perspectives that you might not see when making decisions. Too direct for a woman? It’s important to be authentic and candid when clarity of expectations drives performance. Oddly enough, as I approach middle-age, I still feel like I have endless enthusiasm, energy, a candid approach, and a desire to make things better.
There is a phrase, “start as you mean to go on,” and I feel that applies here, both personally and professionally. Some of the things I felt I had to apologize for as a woman in my youth have become strengths to lean on as I’ve grown in my career — ones that I have actively coached in my two teen-aged daughters.
The women I have aspired to be like and honor during my life possess a vitality that is unmistakable and unapologetic. They’ve never left me feeling resentful of male colleagues or allowed me to think that being a woman was any less than being a man in a role. It’s not to say it was all rainbows and unicorns. There were certainly times when I felt I had to work harder because I didn’t ever want someone to point to my gender as if it were reason to believe I couldn’t do something (In particular, while I was pregnant, the fear of being judged as tired and weak plagued me — FOMO on parental leave is real!). I was supported and encouraged to challenge the system and ask for what I thought was fair. Always echoing in my mind was my mother saying to me, “what’s the worst that can happen, Jenni? You’d lose your job and have to move home with your mother?!” Then she’d roll her eyes dramatically.
Not everyone has the good fortune of a strong female role model (or the offer to move home). So, I pledge to pay it forward. I will not be the woman that puts another woman down to make myself look better. I will be there to support, coach, counsel, and lay the stepping stones needed to create a better reality for those that may not need a helping hand, but do need someone to see their light and value who they are in this world. I will not apologize before stating my opinions in a meeting, and I will stay true to what I believe in. I will support others that do the same.
While I can’t promise you can move in with me, if you bring your purpose with energy and enthusiasm to make a difference, I don’t care who you are, I will support you all the way.
