Strong Sarah

On my 50th birthday I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My life was altered the “Strong Sarah” had to hide her tears and fears. I inherited my strength from my mother. I was dealing with my mother being ill who resided in North Carolina, my daughter Ciara was pregnant, and my husband was working. After finding out I called my husband and told him.

I push him away and I didn’t allow him to love me through sickness and health.

He said, “I’m coming home.” The Strong Sarah feeling like I could handle the Big “C” on her own. I told my daughter who was living with us and she became emotionally distraught. It was funny to me the way she reacted because it was just an illness and God told me, “You shall live and not die.” I never looked back.

The Strong Sarah hid my vulnerability from my best friend, my rock, and strength my husband. He would rush home to take care of me and I would say to him, “I’m fine.” I pushed him away and I didn’t allow him to love me through sickness and in health. When he walked out the door I lay in bed crying alone. In my truth I wanted him by my side but I refuse to allow vulnerability to show. I realize now how big of a mistake it was to push him away and not let him be the rock I needed. I neglected my needs and his needs to take care of me. In our thirty three years of our marriage he has always taken care of not only me but our family.

What I didn’t recognize was how easy being strong can be a weakness. I am blessed to have a loving husband who supports me in every thing I do. I was allowing my family to take care of me and not him. It is now that I welcome him into being the nurturing husband that he is. I allow him to see me as vulnerable and soft. He is well aware of “Strong Sarah” but now I’ve let him into a place he deserves to be. I know he has my best interest and loves me wholeheartedly. Letting down my guard wasn’t my doing it was all God. If it was left up to me I would remain strong Sarah. I share this story for every woman battling the Big C and feel that letting their guard down will make them weak. Let your mate and your family love and take care of you.

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