6 Reasons Why You Only THINK You HATE Working Out
“I hate peas!,” my 9 year old self blurted out that the dinner table.
To which my grandmother, Mumzi (why we called her that I dunno), leaned over and firmly offered, “Hate is too strong a word for inanimate objects.”
Oh, the things that stick with you for all these years. Perhaps this lesson is connected to my guttural reaction to reading a bestselling author and successful guy I know and like posting that he “hates working out.”
Yes, that’s what James Altucher shared on his “What I Hate” list.
6) WORKING OUT. I HATE going to the gym. But as I get older I think it’s important although, to be honest I don’t know why.
James “hates” working out? But does not know why.
Well, here’s my chance to help James out while at the same time easing my own mind a little.
Hate? Hate is all wrong here.
It’s simply not true. By that I do not mean that “you should love it because it’s good for you,” bullshit that is just poorly disguised righteousness saying, “I am better than you and here is proof.”
Just as my Gma shared with me decades ago, in this case “hate” is the wrong word — the wrong emotion. Certainly wrong in this case.
Hate is a position — a perspective we choose. Usually it is one we choose to protect self, to stay safe, to remain in the dark on a subject or “justified” in a feeling.
Here are some reasons why people may adopt hate as a response and what it really means, underneath it. If you have ever hated working out or dieting or anything… here is some insight that may help you break free from the resistance and find the truth that can truly set you free…
1. What I really “hate” is my body
As movement is to your body as thinking is to your mind, “I hate working out,” could really be, “I hate my body.” I do not have not a positive relationship with it. And even though I am dutifully working to stay healthy I still am not its ally or friend to it. We are at odds and have not come together. I use my body and thus seek to preserve it but I am not in it.
2. It’s the only way I know and I am stuck
I am doing something I “hate” to get something I want because it’s the only way I know how. Having limited experience and knowledge in this area I have become stuck in a pattern that reluctantly barely works. I have no idea how to get out of it. In fact I don’t even know there is a way out. I have come to accept and believe this is the truth of it
This one is like hating your job and yet believing you are stuck in it. You do it every day because you “have to” but don’t even care to know there is a way out. The thought of leaving it provokes fear and doubt. Hence, you remain stuck in your own trap.
3. I hate feeling isolated and alone
Hate could be triggered by feelings of isolation. If you have adopted working out as an anti-social obligation the feeling of being alone and isolated can cause some intense emotions. Especially if you have a largely social career and life.
We are social (aka tribal) creatures. Hence the rise of bootcamps and Crossfit. For me, I learned the value of social when I started cycling seriously. It would not have happened if it were not for the tribe.
On a deeper level, once we’ve gained a basic degree of mastery and skills, a resistance to what feels like isolation is often an indicator of the loss of connection or some part of self which is scary or uncomfortable when I am alone with myself.
Ultimately, we all have parts of our self, an inner voice, we seek to silence and until we are able to stare straight into this part it will have great power over you and be the source of great unease.
4. I hate feeling vulnerable and foolish
If you’re one who has gained a good deal of ability and respect in life the gym environment may leave you feeling out of your element, out of control and ill at ease. Yes, you may well hate this.
The voice inside your head says, “I am not a skilled practitioner of this art and I realize it but I have enough info to get myself in here, so I do. And I hate it every time. I hate the feeling of not being my confident, capable self. I hate the idea that I may be making a fool of myself but can’t even be sure. I hate feeling like this fish out of water. I hate feeling this vulnerable.
I hate that I’m not the master of this gym and that makes me uncomfortable. I like places where I am more confident and in my natural element.
5. Hate as a source of energy and motivation
It is possible that you may have adopted “hate” as a motivational strategy. A belief that “Hate is how I have learned to generate energy and the motivation move me.”
I certainly know this stance in places in my life. I hate being broke and expressing this can push me forward. I hate when things don’t work so I get motivated and overcome. I hate losing to people and that energy will drive me.
If this feels right for you see #2 above.
6. I hate the discipline and effort it takes
In my book, Strength for LIFE, I pointed to the vast difference between “training” and “exercise.” Exercise is movement solely for the purpose of movement. It is usually a required activity intended to reluctantly lose weight and improve health.
Training is purposeful movement with a goal. It is what athletes do. They do not exercise they train. Training gives meaning and focus. The losing of weight and getting in shape are by-products of this activity.
If you have adopted an obligatory approach to exercise which you have dutifully sustained with discipline you may actually be hating it. You do it with great resistance but you do it. And given that willpower is a finite resource it takes a lot out of you.
Thus, if you hate it because you are exercising, not training… if you hate the meaningless lack of purpose it’s time for a change. It’s time to get vested, find purpose, drop the resistance and “Be the ball, Danny.”
The Naked Truth of Hate
Ultimately, hate is a form of resistance. Hate arises from a safe distance. Hence, the solution is always to go deeper, in.
Hate art? Step inside the Louvre’ and let it take you away — blow you away.
Hate soccer? Get interested. Seek to understand. Let go of your story. Feel the fear that is really there underneath it. The story that is serving no one.
Hate _______? Embrace it with curiosity and a resounding YES!
The solution to hate is always found in understanding. That which you come to understand can not be hated. You may not love it, may not even like but you can appreciate it. You will know and respect that other can love it. But hate is not in the mix.
Hate is like boredom in that there are no boring moments only disengaged people, resistant to opening and embracing this moment.
When you give a resounding “YES!” to this moment as it is — zero resistance — miracles happen. Life is deeply moving and interesting. Not boring but fascinating and wise
So, just how do you get out of hate and learn to love the way you move?
Drop the resistance, your story. Get curious. Seek to understand.
You will find that once you drop the resistance the pleasure enters in freely.
Your body is amazing. And moving it the best thing ever. Embrace the grace, power and purpose of your body in motion. Move it. Strong. With focus. Often.
“Your body, the only one you will ever have, is the foundation of your life. And it’s either an anchor limiting your freedom and potential or a source of radiant energy, vitality and joy, elevating your life and the lives of those around you.” - Shawn Phillips, Strength for LIFE.
