Autism night waking, sleep anyone?
“Have you tried lavender oil in his bath?”
Those of us who have experienced actual and real sleepless nights with our kiddos with autism, will really enjoy these sentiments from well wishing friends and family. However life enduring those night time hours with our little party animals is like SAS training that we didn’t sign up for with no medals at the end of the course.
The real “autism waking” started around the age of 3 and I’d hear him doing laps of his room at 3am. Stroking his head and singing him a lullaby would send him straight back to sleep. Oh come on that was good. NOTHING would send him back to sleep. Some nights he’d be awake two hours, sometimes three and other nights he wouldn’t go back at all. Occasionally he’d throw in a good nights sleep so I’d think I’d worshipped the right crystals or waved to a black crow (or is it two) but then that night he’d show me, he’d show us all.
Nothing can prepare a parent for this type of chronic sleep deprivation. I definitely went to work a few days with the front door wide open or with my top on back to front but I did learn how to keep a constant steady drip of caffeine going till their bedtime. Typical parents get this with a baby but at some point, even the bad sleepers start to sleep. Autism night waking is another kettle of fish altogether. They’re not drowsy, they’re not stirring from one stage of REM to another, they are FIRED UP, AWAKE AND READY FOR THE DAY! Telling a child that doesn’t understand (or care) for night and day and the realization you have zero control over it was the hardest part. There’s tired and then there’s chronically sleep deprived tired. It affects your entire life, your work, your relationships, your weight, your appetite and most importantly your mental health and that’s when it’s just not funny anymore.
I had sent an email to an autism group at work and I’ll never forget the response I got from a co-worker I’d never met. He told me to go to a sleep clinic and to consider medication and that for him once the sleep came, it changed his life. At that point I’d done almost three years of dreadful nights sleep and I took the plunge. The sleep clinic asked me a couple of hundred questions which I rather enjoyed:
“Does he have a good consistent bedtime routine” (I love that you think I wouldn’t have thought of this before you)
“Have you tried a soothing bath” (Adorable)
“Does he have anything distracting in his room” (Yes, clearly, his bed)
“Do you give him a calm final hour before bed” (You see that blur right now? That’s my son racing around your office)
They got the hint at the end that he’s not drifting in and out of sleep at 2am, rather doing a solo Jane Fonda workout. So we started on meds. Did they work from day one? No. Does he still power through them occasionally? Yes. Do we have to keep trying new ones or new combinations or new times? Yes. Has it all been worth it? OMFG YES. For the 90% of time I do get sleep now (touch wood, turn around touch the ground, wave at another crow) I was a new person (one with coherent sentences). He was a new person. His daytime mood was better, the bags under his eyes gone. They know me by name at the pharmacy now but I don’t regret for a second showing autism night waking’s where they could go. Let’s keep 3am parties where they belong, Vegas.
