Chronicles of Whistling Duck Cottage — Week Eighteen
THE MAKING OF AN ACTIVIST — MY GRANDSON DEFENDS LOVE
Week Forty-Three of 52-Week Writing Challenge
I was raised Catholic, rejecting its dogma as a young teenager. My grandchildren are being raised Catholic but with strong liberal influences from their mother and me. As students of a Catholic school, they are often confronted with beliefs of the Church that are not the beliefs of our family. We teach them that beliefs are not necessarily facts, that the church is frozen in time but we are not, that they need to seriously think and study about what they are taught, including learning other opinions and beliefs, and choose what makes the most sense to them, and they should question what we say and believe because we can be wrong,too.
(A little background info for non-Catholics: Around the ages of six to ten, children who think they are ready to take the fist steps toward receiving the “body and blood of Jesus” through Holy Communion attend several weeks of classes learning about the Catholic faith and the Holy Sacraments — Baptism, Eucharist (Holy Communion), Confirmation, Reconciliation (Confession), Anointing of the Sick, Matrimony, and Holy Orders (Ministry). The classes culminate with a First Communion ceremony that is a major rite of passage for a Catholic child.)
My grandson completed these lessons three years ago at the age of seven. At that time, he questioned very little. Dogma comforted him. He preferred acceptance to examination. I used to think he might, to my despair, become a priest.
Kids change rapidly. In three years, my grandson went from being credulous to being skeptical. He ponders, reflects, watches, learns, considers. He no longer simply accepts.
My granddaughter, who never was dogmatic and seems uninterested in the “mysteries” of the Church, is now attending First Communion classes. Why? Probably because her brother did and her friends are. She is an independent thinker in many ways but she is also a follower, always marching with her crowd as long as their path is not faulty or scary or criminal, always ready to speak up when the destination is not to her liking.
Communion classes are boring, she says, but the cookies and punch are great!
Cue scene: My Granddaughter’s First Communion Class Last Week
While students sit in the church classroom for their second First Communion class, parents and siblings sit around the edges of the room rather than leaving and returning an hour later. My daughter, her fiance, and my grandson are in that group of observers.
The lesson on the sacrament of marriage ends and the teacher opens the floor to questions.
Teacher: Today’s lesson was about the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. Who can tell us what that is?
Some Kid: Matrimony is marriage, when a man and a woman love each other and decide to spend their lives together and have a family.
Other Kid: Yeah, they stand up before a priest and their family and friends and promise to love and honor one another and take care of their kids.
Another Kid with a Loud Voice: And never get divorced!
Audience laughs, not because the kid was loud but because at least half of them are divorced.
Teacher: Correct. Very good! Marriage is a promise between a man and a woman before God. Any questions or comments? Students? Audience?
My Normally-Shy Grandson: What about gay people who love each other? Why can’t they get married in the Church?
Teacher, eyes wide with shock: Um, well, the Church does not accept their relationship as godly. God said marriage is between a man and a woman.
My Grandson, respectfully but firmly: Why not? They love each other just like a man and a woman.
Teacher, annoyed and nervous: God says it’s not the same. God does not approve of a man loving a man or a woman loving a woman that way.
My Grandson: God made them that way and they love each other so why can’t they get married?
Teacher, flustered: Well, I don’t know that He did make them that way. Maybe they choose to be gay.
My Grandson: Why would they do that? Everyone knows people who hate gays and gay people have a much harder life. Some even get murdered for being gay. Why would anyone choose to have a life like that?
Teacher, clenching her jaw: I don’t know about any of that. But, God made men and women to love each other.
My Grandson, not giving in: If God made men and women to love each other, it only makes sense that He made gay people to love each other, too. And, God is love, right? So He should be pleased when people love each other and want to take care of each other.
Teacher, breathing deeply: It’s just not the same.
Teacher, standing up to end the discussion: Thank you, everyone, for coming.
My grandson tries to approach her to talk some more but she quickly leaves the room.
In the parking lot, my grandson is congratulated by his mother, her fiance, and his sister for being brave enough to ask the teacher about gay marriage.
My Daughter’s Fiance: I can’t believe you had the guts to do that! Even at my age, I don’t think I’d be brave enough to bring up gay marriage to a First Communion teacher or to anyone in the Church!
My Granddaughter: I can’t believe I am saying this but I was proud of you, big brother!
My daughter hugs her son, tears in her eyes: I am so proud.
Cue scene: My house several days later:
After my husband and I congratulate him for being so brave, my grandson says: But, I wasn’t brave. I was scared.
My husband: That is the definition of bravery: doing something in spite of being scared.
Me: So, how did you feel afterwards?
Grandson: Kinda proud but still scared. Then, I got mad because the teacher left the room and wouldn’t talk to me.
Me: And, why do you think she left the room?
Grandson: Because she and the Church are wrong. I mean, if she had a good argument against gay marriage, why wouldn’t she stay and try to convince me that she was right and I was wrong? She’s a teacher. She should try to teach me. Instead, she ran away because she couldn’t argue against what I said. She ran because
Love wins and she knows it.
I couldn’t be prouder of my grandson.
