True shot at recovery

The discipline it is taking me to recover from anorexia on my own…for now

It’s only been over a week since starting back on food again which I must say, was my choice. I starved my body for weeks until I woke up one day and decided that I can’t go through yet another inpatient program. I have a home and school that needs tending to and bills. On the plus, there is already an outpatient program ready and willing to accept me in my home town.

I was only released a few days ago from a psychiatric ward in Ottawa. Far from my home in Oshawa. Now I am staying with my dad for a bit in the lonesome countryside just outside of Ottawa. I’m eating three meals and trying my best at eating snacks in between. I have lost a lot of weight and need to gain what I have lost to fit in my clothes again. But I know I also have to be well going into the adult outpatient program.

Everyday I get up before anyone else is awake and eat my breakfast. No one is telling me to. I am. As 10am approaches, I know it’s time to have a little of something else. No one is telling me to, but I am. And same goes for lunch, afternoon snack, and dinner. It’s all on me. The thing is, I can’t have anyone telling me what to do. I have to do and decide things on my own. Does this mean I don’t struggle? No, I struggle a lot. I am finding as the days go on, I’m needing more support than this discipline. I can’t do this on my own. But me eating means I will be home on my own again soon and closer to my treatment team that consists of the most amazing therapist and psychiatrist.

Until then, I got to keep pushing through. It’s a hard battle, but it’s worth fighting and I will one day be stronger than this illness.