Journey (and not the epic band but the path).

Two dietbets ago before my wedding I was ecstatic to be apart of a community that helped me wake up in the morning strap on my running shoes and hit the pavement around my town with radiant confidence. (plus no way in hell was I losing $35 when all I had to do was put in the work C’mon)

3…2….1 Happy New Year Kailey, you have a new job, home, car, pretty much any dramatic life changing event that could have happened decided to creep into your life at the end of 2015 and you conquered it with style and grace. “My biggest enemy is me, and even I can’t stop me.”

2016… how can I make you better than the last. What will satisfy my competitive drive? The first thought that shoved its way up to the top of my mind is “happiness” being happy in 2016 and accomplishing things I never thought I could do, this is that year. Now Kailey lets just make a list of things that would make you happy, keep ‘dating Chris Evans’ off the list make it things I can control.

Here is the list I created:
*Run a half marathon by June
*Run a full marathon by Dec
*Learn to dance
*Take a vacation (one that doesn’t have to deal with work make it all about me!)
*Start to invest in good make-up (you look as good as you feel but I really need to stop buying $5 foundation its not a good look!!)
*Learn Spanish
*Get promoted (I started a new job months ago and have already proficiently wrecked (in a good way) every expectation that they had for me. I’m really going above and beyond)

There are a few more things on that list but to hit the highlights, so this blog isn’t just a bucket list, those are the main ones that came to mind.

Looking at that list I realized that to run a half marathon I have to be “in-shape” Ugh!! Those words just hurt! Making my way to the back of the closet to an area that I honestly completely forgot even existed I pulled out the digital FitBit scale I just HAD to have at the beginning of 2015. (Seriously though, what person really HAS to have a scale those things are just pure evil!)
Putting the scale in a place that I would walk by every single day I slide my shoes off one at a time as if I was about to dive into a cold pool. Slowly, trying to resist the urge to run downstairs and pull out a bag of chocolate (my weakness) and pop a pizza (my other weakness) in the oven. One pink fuzzy penguin sock placed its weight onto the scale. “Hi C:” jumped from the scale in a bright blue light. ‘oh great, its alive….’ I thought. 89.3 72.1 30! The numbers danced around as if a rave was playing under that tiny blue light and I wasn’t invited.

I didn’t want to put the maroon sloth ankle sock (who has time to match socks now-a-days) onto the scale. The lightest I have ever been was 140 back in the Navy and after my last Dietbet I was 166. The sloth plodded heavily next to the penguin.

192?

You’re kidding me right…. 192? I’m 5’9’’ I know I’ll never be in the low 100’s but Damn I was so close to 200lbs! Holding back tears I stepped off and knew that something had to change.

“dietbet” I heard the whisper in the back of my mind. “Dietbet” it got a little louder as I pulled out my computer to enter in the words in the search bar. “DIETBET” I can do this. I did it once I’ll do it again!

Let’s push the start date to Jan 8th (it was Jan 1st when I looked it up) so that gives me a week to get things together. Not only prepare my kitchen but start to mentally prepare myself (losing weight is mostly mental apparently my brain weighs 70lbs).

Jan 8th, the sky was a light orange as the sun set in southern California, I wanted it to rain, rain always made me feel better. My step-daughter eagerly held up the camera to take the first photo that would forever be my Before. I didn’t look down. Not yet. I just smiled for the photo even though I was embarrassed that I let myself so far “go” in front of my step-daughter. I need to set a good example, so here I was letting her take the photo.

Now behind closed doors I stepped on the scale and looked down. I was secretly hoping to see 180 but I new that in a week of just cutting out pop (yup pop not soda I’m from the Mid-west) I wouldn’t lose 12 pounds. But maybe 2? C’mon gravity cut me some slack!

I felt like I was on an episode of the biggest loser as my digital scale started to climb up higher and higher, as I saw 192 my heart sunk as it kept climbing. 195…198…200…202. Wow. 202.2 My gut fell to the floor. Tears filled my eyes with risk of destroying my $3 mascara, this was the worst I had ever felt. I never thought that I would get to the point of 200 pounds let alone over it.

Now my Dietbet goal was to get to 192.2 Its a defeating feeling to have your “goal weight” be the weight you thought you were just a week ago. I’m sitting at 194 today still a few pounds away. My clothes still don’t fit the way they do but I’m so close to “winning”.

So why do I feel this way? When I stepped in my closet this morning to grab an outfit that fit me like a glove a few weeks ago do I feel like crying when I am trying to squeeze into it? Why do I accept defeat and grab my “big hoodie” just to feel better when I go into work? I know its mostly mental and that I will have to have a good long talk with my limbic system, tell it that this is a life-style change. I didn’t gain all of this weight overnight it happened over the course of a year so it will take me about that long to get it all off. 5 or 6 dietbets is what I’m thinking.

“So what is the point to this blog?” you’re probably thinking to yourself as your Twitter feed lights up and your 3rd Facebook notification has blinked desperately in the corner for you to take a swipe at it.

The point, “THIS IS A JOURNEY” Remember why you’re taking it. Take it one day at a time. You’ll have bad days just like me, there will be a time where you’re desperately searching for an outfit because your friends invited you out and you want to feel and look good because EVERYONE will be there. You’ll think you should just go buy a new outfit because nothing seems to be fitting right and at the last minute you’ll cave to “that outfit” that you feel everyone has seen you in hundreds of times”.

But Dammit if you wont have those outstanding days. When you finally hit your water goal, when you finished your workout and still can stand. When you start your run, you’re almost done but you feel like a million bucks and can keep going. There will come a day when you HAVE to wear a belt, when you step on the scale and see that you have lost 2 pounds overnight somehow. It will happen. I promise that if you stick with it your good days will outnumber the bad.