Look up, and look forward
My “blog” posts are rather infrequent, as I am sure you would agree…
I had great intentions of writing something more regularly, but I just don’t seem to dedicate the time to it. My last entry ended rather negatively and that was not the reason I started this blog. Obviously, I had things to get off my chest, but it was not my intention to leave anyone disheartened or depressed. The purpose of my writing has always been to show the positive side of this tribulation, and that is something I plan on doing. I want my writing to be authentic and show the good with the bad, the highs with the lows.
There is no doubt that having cancer has been hard, refer to a previous entry if you want detail. I’m sure it will continue to be difficult. Having an operation every 3 odd months is draining, to say the least. That said, I know that much greater things have come from this than the pain and destruction it has done to my body.
My life up to the point where I was diagnosed with cancer was pretty dull and on a road to nowhere. I had barely made it out of school, I had no career mapped out, I was dating a girl that I really loved, but I had not thought any further than the present. As I said, I was on a road to nowhere…and at a rapid rate.
Shortly after being diagnosed with cancer I hit a bit of a speed wobble and did some pretty silly things, one being breaking up with the love of my life — now my wife, Shaz. Long story short, in the three months that we were apart she was introduced to a new church. When I finally got my head together and realised the mistake that I had made, I desperately pursued her. Thankfully she took me back. In doing so, I too was introduced to the same church where I then attended a service. I remember being pulled in by the worship and message. Whilst I had attended church services before, this time was different. I was struck with the revelation that I was created by my Father in heaven to live this life with purpose.
It was at this point that my life began to change. The first and ultimate positive was that I have built a relationship with God — one that I want to continue to grow. Some of you may have rolled your eyes and are ready to close the page, that is, of course, your choice, but I would urge you not to. Let me share my story…
To start, I married the woman of my dreams, a truly remarkable person who has stood by my side every step of the way. She partnered with me post being diagnosed with cancer and has been with me through the lowest of lows. I cannot imagine my life without her, and I truly thank God for placing her in my life. Her love and commitment to our relationship alone are reasons enough for me to believe that God exists. I can, without a shadow of a doubt, attribute many of the changes to my life in the last 10 years to her continual inputs and support. She has given so selflessly and continues to amaze me.
Up until I was diagnosed with cancer, I had been in the same job for about 4 years. I enjoyed my work but became frustrated and disheartened as I discovered that I would not progress any further as I did not have the requisite tertiary education. I was, at the time, only in possession of a matric certificate and a short draughting course.
To give you some background, I only started mainstream schooling at Grade 5. Prior to this, I was in a remedial school as I was told that I had a learning difficulty. The unfortunate result of this alleged “difficulty” was that I then mentally clocked out and developed an apathetic attitude toward school. School was, in my view, a waste of time and I was convinced that I could not do well at it. I remember being called into the school hall in my matric year with a few other students and being told that we were on the verge of failing the year. It meant nothing to me at that stage.
Thankfully I passed the year and moved on from highschool with my matric certificate. I felt that I was lucky to have passed those years and never dreamt of studying any further. Fast forward a few years. I was in a job that I generally enjoyed but was feeling frustrated in the lack of opportunity to progress. I knew that I could not live out the remainder of my life stuck in this position.
I discussed the possibility of studying further with Shaz and after some thought decided to pursue a Bachelor of Commerce degree. I undertook the degree part-time as I already had a bond and other financial obligations. I thoroughly enjoyed the material and began to excel. I was shocked. Somehow, I was managing a fulltime job, undergoing operations, receiving chemotherapies, and completing a degree…with distinctions in subjects I thought were beyond my grasp. I came to the realisation that I did not have a learning difficulty. Instead, I had an attitude problem which restricted me from doing well and enjoying my school years.
I eventually completed my undergraduate degree part-time but in the same minimum time it would take a fulltime student. I then undertook and completed my honours degree. A simple change in my mindset — through the realisation that my life may end prematurely- allowed me to decimate the “learning difficulty” that had followed me through my early school years.
Cancer, a disease that I thought would lead to my demise had actually turned out to be the catalyst needed for positive changes in my life.
With my life on track and knowing that Shaz and I had always wanted children, we began discussions of starting a family. However due to my cancer and treatments, it was not as smooth a road as we imagined. We were restricted by the drugs in my body and had small windows of time when we were allowed to try and fall pregnant.
One day, Shaz spoke to me about something that had been on her heart. She felt that God had a plan for us to adopt and she wanted us to think and pray about it more. I was instantly excited about the possibility. We both felt that it was what God was calling us to do and we knew His plan for us was an interesting and unique one. On paper, there was no reason why we could not have children. Both of us had been checked out and received the all-clear. Our pursuance of a biological child, unbeknownst to us, was being put on hold as God knew there was a beautiful and special little girl — destined for our family — who was as much a part of our plan as we were of hers. We listened to His calls and began the process of adoption.
After a year of interviews, courses, and the submission of tons of documents, we were called with the news of a baby girl. I was the one who received the call. After ending the call, I got in my car and rushed to tell Shaz in person. We were both filled with such joy, expectant parents both anxious and excited to finally meet our daughter. After a week’s wait, that felt like an eternity, we finally got to meet and take home our beloved Ruby. A true treasure who has brought so much love and joy to our lives. I am so grateful that we yielded to God’s call to adopt. Not long after Ruby entered our family, God blessed us with another beautiful and exquisite baby girl, Cala. We found out that Shaz was pregnant 2 months after Ruby had come home with us. We could not believe God’s favour and felt doubly blessed in such a short space of time. Within less than one year our home was filled with two new babies that needed our undivided attention. Our world was shook up, our bodies and minds always tired, but our hearts never fuller. We now cannot even begin to imagine our lives without these two blessings. They have taught us such valuable lessons while showing us just how amazing unconditional love is. Watching their relationship grow and seeing their unique personalities develop has been nothing short of magical. Hearing my diagnosis all those years back, I never imagined my life could be so full and that these two little angels would be mine.
My life, almost 10 years post being diagnosed with cancer has been the most amazing and best years of my life thus far. I built a relationship with my Father in heaven, I married the woman of my dreams, I completed two degrees, and I am now father to two beautiful children.
It goes without saying that cancer has been no joy ride…that is for sure. Apart from the physical pain I endure, I often wrestle with the thought that I may not be around to: see my daughters marry, become a grandfather, or live out my life with my wife to our old age. But I know that I cannot dwell on such thoughts as no one is actually guaranteed these and all the other great experiences that life has to offer. What I do have now is an ever-growing accumulation of experiences and memories that fill my heart with overwhelming joy. What’s more, I had the early realisation that my life here on earth is limited and that I need to make the most of it — which, if I am honest, I don’t always do.
I cannot help but sit back in amazement at how beautifully my life has been orchestrated. I have accomplished and enjoyed so much more in the last 10 years than the 25 years prior to having developed cancer. God used this challenge to get my attention and show me that I was wasting my life when in fact it has purpose. So many people admire me for having survived 10 years of cancer, 30 very painful operations, and who knows how much chemotherapy, but the truth is I have not done anything special, and more so, I have not done it alone.
God gave me a mother, brothers, and sisters who all taught me to be resilient so that the day I was diagnosed with cancer, I would not crumble or live in fear. He gave me an amazing wife who has stood by my side each step of the way. He gave me the most amazing extended family and friends who have all sown into my life and continue to encourage and support me. The list goes on…
Through the grace of my Father in heaven, I have been blessed with the support needed to survive and conquer this disease.
I do not believe our lives are the result of random acts and general evolution. I believe that we were made by an almighty God who loves us and has purpose for our lives. I believe my story is evidence to support this.
What I want you to take away from this — whether you are aligned with my faith or not — is that you are capable of so much more than you probably realise. The only thing limiting you from moving forward is yourself — there are so many examples of this throughout history. If you want to pursue something, get up and do it.
Secondly, life is going to throw some pretty nasty things at you. I have learnt that no one gets through this life unscathed. Your ability to deal with whatever it is will relate directly to how resilient you are, what support system you have in place, and how you actively choose to deal with it.
Whilst I don’t know how I developed cancer and if it will ultimately end my life prematurely to the norm. I do know that it is not a punishment for something that I may have done or something that I may not be doing. Life happens and I choose not to blame anyone for it.
I truly hope this has helped you in some way, and I wish to thank you for taking the time to read it.
I look forward to writing more — hopefully not in the too distant future…
