My life that fully anxiety

I’m just figure out about it recently

A year ago I was hospitalized for a week, just the night on my first day, my anxiety comes. I can’t breathe, I was panic, I hate hearing sounds when I can’t sleep, and in the room I’m staying on my first night was six patients bedroom. There was this guy who snore so loudly, the lights was turned on and I can’t sleep with lights, the patient beside me keep scrawling screaming every ten minutes and literally it drives me insane like I wanna jump off the hospital building on the third floor.

Exactly one am, the doctor came rushed in checking over me, they told my mother that I need to be place in the ICU to check more about my health, my mother says okay, and like 20 minutes later, I moved from the six patients bedroom, to the ICU.

As I was in the ICU, it was dark and there was just me on the middle side of the room. The right side, which was crowded was too crowded, and exactly the moment I arrived, a mother just died. It frightened me even more in that dark empty ICU that only me in it, and the doctors and nurses that walking passed by, they gave me sleeping pill, but I can’t sleep and I keep looking at the clock, from one half two, till three half four, I fell asleep from my terrible anxiety that struck me all night.

Then the doctors told me that I had a heart attack, which isn’t common on a young 12 years old (I’m 13 now) having a heart attack, and they told my parents that I’ll be giving more treatment if they sign an application.

But the next day after signing, my father cancel the application and told them I’m okay, so that day after three days in ICU, I finally get out after the anxiety that struck me on my first night, and also because I can’t eat since I was sick, none of foods or drinks I can consume, it just get me more sicker. But after three days in the two patient room, I began a lot more better than before.

Everyday since that day, I curious why I had that such a thing while I don’t have any disease, and then the word “Anxiety” comes out. I didn’t know was it meant, then I do a lot of research, and then all the question that I’ve thoughts for months, had been answered. But people don’t get it. My parents too. They thought of anxiety wasn’t a problem, it doesn’t cost a thing and they don’t notice me. So I keep my anxiety close and only few people knew and concerned about me. I just glad few of my friends understand, but I also want so speak up to other people who thought anxiety wasn’t a big problem, IT’S A HUGE PROBLEM. I am raised to a family who pretty much always give me a hard time managing my anxiety. Every time I lost something, or I miss something, they would quickly lost their patient and just be angry about it. Anxiety makes me hate doing job that I need to be responsible for it. But I’ll always tried to manage it, even in the end still there’s still something wrong, it just came rushing in to me and it become so hard to me. I just knew about my anxiety recently and I haven’t do much more research, but I hope I’ll manage my anxiety normally and face dangerous thing like no other people.

I hope people read this and understand what I’m facing. I appreciate if you can suggest how can I manage my anxiety and anything you want to share. Thank you.