Ripped at Every Edge but a Masterpiece: My Battle with Alopecia Areata

Alopecia Areata is often defined as an autoimmune disease that causes your body to attack hair follicles, resulting in moderate to significant hair loss. It’s cause is undetermined, but often stress is blamed for triggering it. This hair loss starts as bald patches that may increase in size. For some, the bald patches can be covered with a change in hairstyle, while with others the loss is too large to be covered. In rare cases, hair follicles are attacked throughout the entire body. I am one of these rare cases. Over the progression of a year (but rapidly in a few months) I lost it all; scalp hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, everything.

I was at work one day the summer prior to my first semester at college when I noticed scalp visible where it shouldn’t have been. However, I dismissed this and blamed the constant braiding of my hair. More bald patches developed, but they were able to be covered with a change of style, hats, or headbands. I won’t forget the day I realized this was a medical issue. In the middle of February 2015, I noticed a new patch forming on the top of my head that was unable to be covered. I was furious and heartbroken. The battle I thought would pass on its own suddenly seemed to be a war. I’m not a person who cries, but I spent most of that night in tears, terrified of what was to come.

I saw a dermatologist who told me what I already knew, I had alopecia areata. I started treatment and they seemed optimistic, and were almost confused when I asked about getting a hair piece. Within a week the hair loss increased and my self confidence took a downturn, so a hair piece was necessary. However, the hair piece wasn’t an immediate solution to my problem. While I continued to lose hair underneath it, I still had to get used to my new appearance. I already struggled with styling hair, nevermind hair that didn’t belong to me.

My condition had its ups and downs, and I unfortunately hit rock bottom by the end of spring semester because of it. I won’t get into the details, but I just wasn’t happy with myself. I took the summer to relax and heal, and hair started growing back. I was so excited to return back to campus to start new because I finally had something to look forward to there, but my hopes were put on hold when my hair started falling out again. Daily styling and washing resulted in piles of hair having to be thrown in the trash. I’d wake up every morning with hair all over my pillow. I’d put my hands through my hair and strands would be all over my hands. I thought I had finally won the war, but I clearly hadn’t. This was when my eyebrows and eyelashes started really falling out. Watching my appearance change, I felt defeated. I felt as sad as I did spring semester, even though my life was much better than it was then.

I tried to prolong the need for a wig with different styling products and medicines, but it was useless and I found myself back at the Images Boutique at MGH. I went through the same process of receiving it and I am still getting used to my altered appearance. Eyebrow powder was added to my make-up routine but has since been replaced by “eyebrow wigs” by Cardani. I have not gotten the balls to apply fake lashes so I compensate for my lack of eyelashes with eyeliner. After losing what seemed like 95% of my hair, I shaved my head. So yes, I am secretly bald.

I’m not writing this to receive pity. I am very aware that I am going through something traumatic, but I do not wish to dwell on the negatives. Instead, I want to grow from this. I believe my battle with Alopecia Areata has made me stronger. I still often find myself furious that I have to wear a wig everyday, but I hope to put those feelings into a positive outlet. I want to be a light. I want to tell my story not only to get it off my chest but to inspire others. In a society that has such a fixed image of beauty, it’s hard to discuss the things that make us not live up to that expectation.

I am so thankful for the people that have reached out to me during this difficult time, and give me love when I feel that I don’t deserve it. I’m thankful to be able to have wigs and my other essentials that make me feel as attractive as anybody else. I’m lucky to be here to share my story, considering some affected by this disease are not so lucky. I’m alive, healthy, and have a great support system.

Regardless, I’ve learned that support can go miles, but you ultimately have to save yourself. I need to teach myself the importance of inner beauty, and how it can still shine even if we don’t believe our appearance allows it to. I may never have the confidence to show my bald head to the world and I will always struggle accepting my appearance, but I still want to build my inner beauty and let it shine to show others that it exists in them.