Oh, No! My Child Wants to be a Vegetarian!
I became a vegetarian in 1988. Years of being an animal rights activist led me to question why it was acceptable to write letters (in the days before email and online petitions) and attend protests to save the lives of dogs, cats, horses, and endangered wildlife while munching on a hamburger. My food habits and my ethics were in conflict, and I had to do something about it. Vegetarianism was the gift I gave myself on my 34th birthday.
Last year, at the age of seven, my granddaughter Ana, who mostly existed on chicken tenders and steak, decided to join the vegetarian world. I realized she was essentially following in my footsteps and wanting to be like me, but I also knew how much she loved animals and knew she felt conflicted about eating them. I had my doubts that she could go from being a heavy meat-eater to a vegetarian, especially since she did not like vegetables, but I was willing to support her efforts — her mother, not so much and her father, not at all.
Her father is mostly out of the picture. He only saw her a few times after her dietary decision and, sadly, forced her to eat meat and fish (sushi to be specific), ignoring her pleas for a salad. There was no reason for his unwillingness to allow her to choose the food she wanted. In each instance, vegetarian options were available and less expensive than the meat he forced on her. Considering his extreme narcissistic personality, I am sure it was mostly a matter of control. Just as he spent years during his marriage to my daughter mandating what she could eat and drink, he was doing the same with his daughter.
My granddaughter surprised everyone with her commitment to vegetarianism. She tackled vegetables with enthusiasm and was soon eating foods she previously avoided. A fresh salad with a variety of vegetables was her favorite.
In spite of being shocked and pleased that Ana was eating a wide selection of vegetables, my daughter remained unwilling to put much time or effort into providing vegetarian meals. If she prepared a stir-fry, she might saute the vegetables first and set a portion aside before adding meat to the remainder. If there were fresh veggies for a salad, she might prepare one for Ana as her main meal. Otherwise, my daughter forced meat upon Ana, leading to mealtime drama.
Because my daughter and grandchildren were living with me until two weeks ago, the drama was a major source of stress in my home. Often I returned from work to hear my granddaughter sobbing over a plate of meat with her mother sitting nearby glaring at her, saying things like, “You are not leaving this table until you eat every piece of meat — every single piece.” More than once I offered to prepare a vegetarian meal for Ana and each time my offer was rejected harshly by my daughter. My kitchen is always well stocked with vegetarian options due to my dietary preferences so a veggie entree for Ana would cost my daughter nothing. Still, my offers were inexplicably refused. My husband and I often left the room or the house to avoid Ana’s crying and pleading that broke our hearts and raised my husband’s blood pressure.
I did win when it came to school lunches. Since my grandson and granddaughter started school several years ago, my daughter and I prepared their lunches because we felt the food offered by the school was fat and calorie laden with low nutritional value. When the school year began last August, there was a new lunch service that provided fresh, healthy foods, including an impressive selection of vegetarian options. My offer to pay for the school lunches was accepted by my daughter, and my granddaughter could eat as she pleased. At least one meal is not a battle for her.
I have no idea if my granddaughter will continue trying to be a vegetarian. Her actions during the past year lead me to believe she will as long as her values remain the same. But, even if I thought it was a passing phase, Ana has the right, even at her young age, to make dietary decisions as long as those decisions don’t threaten her health. A little planning would eliminate any extra work that my daughter fears and she could use the situation to involve Ana in meal planning and preparation.
Being vegetarian is not radical and has, in fact, become quite common. Special menus are not needed. Food pairing is no longer recommended. Simply eat a variety of fresh vegetables, fruits, and grains and limit the vegetarian, but unhealthy, junk food that lures most kids. Like all children, a vegetarian child should take a daily multi-vitamin.
So, why does a vegetarian child cause so much family conflict and turmoil?
Issue: Parents worry about their child getting enough vitamins and minerals to be healthy.
Solution: A little research or a conversation with an adult vegetarian will provide all the necessary information to prove that this concern is unnecessary. Vegetarian children are healthier than meat-eating kids, weigh less, are more active, and have lower blood pressure. And, truthfully, is your meat-eating child getting a well-balanced diet? Probably not. It isn’t a matter of vegetarian versus carnivore; it’s a matter of healthy, wholesome food versus fatty foods lacking nutrition.
Issue: Parents don’t know how to prepare vegetarian meals.
Solution: Learn. There are cookbooks. There are websites. Get your child involved in the process. Wonderful family time and a great bonding opportunity. And, your kids learn to cook!
Issue: Parents don’t want their child to be different.
Solution: Embrace your children for who they are. We are all different in a variety of ways. No two people are alike.
Issue: Parents want their child to be like them.
Solution: Good luck with that! Ain’t gonna happen. Your child is not a duplicate of you. You did not clone yourself; you created an unique human being. Get to know who your child is. What are your child’s values, dreams, aspirations, fears? Celebrate the individual in your child.
Issue: Expense
Solution: A vegetarian diet does not cost more than a meat-based diet. Have you seen the price of meat and seafood? Buy vegetables in season — cheaper and healthier. Grains are inexpensive and can be purchased in bulk. Cost is not an issue.
Issue: Control
Solution: Well, this is the tough one because it gets into all sorts of sticky areas. Parents want to control their kids. Some people want to control other people, not just children. Some control is necessary with kids, but pick your battles. Say no to drugs, but say yes to a healthy, vegetarian diet. Choose your battles wisely!
