The chocolate medium.
I remember being 20. I was living in Santa Rosa, California. I can’t believe my mom had kids at 21. Could someone mature that much within a year’s time? I moved to Santa Rosa, the sweet town off the 101 in Sonoma County, at 19 years of age. I didn’t stay long which means that I didn’t do the glorious wine tasting that Sonoma offers. I moved to Wine County without being able to legally drink. But I was 20 and not 26 and as I’ve noticed, I’ve only recently adapted to wine drinking, ironically to pull off a more adulty vibe. It absolutely makes me seem more sophisticated.
Living in Sonoma was a good time. I was going through some struggles of my own but because my dad was paying my rent the experience didn’t teach me much about growing up which has to be why my father begged me not to move back home. I also think it was probably why it would take another 5 years for me to figure out life or as I like to call them, the gut wrenching twenties. You have to know what I mean. That time in your twenties where you’re like, oh shit, this is what adulting is…
Living in Sonoma did teach me some things about chocolate though. I was working at Starbucks for my second year or so and living with my northern California cousin. I’d been doing some crash dieting since I was 18 and as of then I was definitely on the literal meaning of crash part. Over 200 lbs and having some serious psych problems with food I would binge like a starving Somalia child. Only I wasn’t one. I was a spoiled white girl who couldn’t look at a carb without growing a muffin top. I can honestly now say that I didn’t know what hard work looked like either which is a totally different lesson and story. But I did learn about chocolate.
Do you like Grey’s Anatomy but now hate it because they are making it go on forever and essentially ruining a beautiful thing for the sake of making something longer? I really think series should be limited to 4 seasons. There is only so much time in one life, my goodness. So I was sitting in my little townhouse apartment place on Humboldt street in beautiful, sunny Santa Rosa watching an entire season of Grey’s Anatomy because that’s what I would do when I was going through a hard time or just wanted to zone out. I still do that to some extent but more so I sit in my car in my driveway and split my ends because I’m too poor for a haircut. I know I am getting too old for that excuse but it’s kind of true.. I had recently gone to Trader Joe’s, the ultimate single person store (stay away from the dark chocolate peanut butter cups :l) I got some chocolate and other essentials blah blah blah. I’m eating the chocolate and watching grey’s anatomy. I don’t remember much of this night because honestly it’s quite traumatic for me. It’s like a bad blackout and you only remember when you come to. So that’s what I remember. The season finale, watching Sloan or whoever die, bawling like a little baby and taking the last bite of chocolate.
THAT’S IT. That’s when I realized what I had done…I mean I realized it but I don’t think I had realized the consequences of my actions. I felt those the next day when I begged my aunt to take me to the hospital to get my stomach pumped because I had eaten an entire POUND OF DARK CHOCOLATE… with almonds of course.
Now when I tell this story many people don’t believe me or really understand how much a pound is and so here is the punch line. I know it was a pound, and if you ever want to feel out a pound of dark chocolate which I suggest you do for the sake of this story, because it was the Trader Joe’s 1 pound bar of 72% dark chocolate with almonds. And yes, I ate the entire thing in one sitting. The next day was like having a really bad hangover. Like the worst. Ever. I should have contracted diabetes right there on the spot. But I didn’t. I will never forget though. I basically crawled into the hospital. They gave me a wrist band. I lied about what had happened the night before because obviously I couldn’t tell anyone I had eaten an entire pound of dark chocolate while crying to McDreamy. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to see the doctor either and so I took my wristband souvenir and left. That is the worst walk of shame I will ever make in my life.
That is my fat story… Well I actually have a lot of them but that’s probably top 5. What I don’t suggest doing, ever, is eating a pound of chocolate in one sitting. It will make you sick. I promise.
Stay safe out there kids, and away from the pounds of chocolate.
