The Strategist’s Guide To Quitting Caffeine

Having quit coffee over five times in my life can only mean I mostly failed at it. And these failures were packed with their usual ingredients — momentary hype and lack of a plan. I would scream my warrior chant and then dive head first into shallow water.

As a 14+ year caffeine addict I got busted up by the predictable withdrawal symptoms. Brain fog, insomnia, head aches, crap mood, and apathy would team up to coerce me back into caffeine land. But the upside of getting busted up and dragged back to the precinct so many times is that I got good at not getting caught. And so having completed my jedi training with these struggles and having finally broken free last year, I’d like to share some wisdom for aspiring caffeine-quitters.

Note: If you’re already grumbling at these words because you think quitting caffeine is pointless or sacrilegious, then this post isn’t for you my friend. This post if for those who suspect caffeine as a culprit harming their mood, sleep, or energy.

Force Deliberateness

When people tell me they want to quit coffee, I say “Cool. What’s your plan?” This is where most people balk. But I ask it anyway because it shifts them from a mode of “this is going to happen” to “this is how I’m going to make it happen.” This shift brings forth a level of deliberateness and that makes things more likely to happen.

Deliberateness means planning out your mission. Vultures love wanderers, so instead, you find out where you want to go, you plan your route, you know what land mines to avoid, you equip yourself with fuel reserves, and you brainwash yourself to survive this ride. If there’s an enemy lurking around the corner, you find out about that. I’ll explain the enemy later, but for now it’s about making the mission winnable and avoiding Fuckarounditis in all of its forms.

Ready Bravo?

Know Where Heaven Is

So what’s going on here? There’s got to be a strong reason you’re leaving behind the warm drink that straightens you out every morning. I can’t tell you what your reasons are but my guess is that you’re not what you want to be. Me for example: I knew what I was and what I wasn’t. I had long dreamed of being a person that didn’t need chemicals to feel happy, energetic, or focused — a person where that magic flowed from an inner source and not a coffee pot. But there I was. Gripped by caffeine from the second I’d wake each morning. I’d snooze my alarm six times, crawl out of bed, and whisper to myself “it’s okay, coffee will solve this torture for you. Go make some now.”

And it would, by turning me into a soaring version of myself. One that sings in the shower, inherits ideas from the dopamine gods, and smirks at obstacles to come. It would bring me to my own personal heaven. Until, of course, the half life of heaven wore off and I’d crash down into a hellish brain fog. Every day, multiple times a day. The only times I’d welcome these crashes were at night, when my adrenals were so worn down and my mind circuitry so shot that only sleep was in my circle of competence.

my journeys to and from heaven

This traveling to and away from a caffeine induced “heaven” taught me that no real heaven would punish me this way. The God of wholesome moods would not cast me to hell each time I refrained from a bitter tasting liquid made possible by impoverished folks in warmer countries. The real heavenly energy I yearned for was natural and would never hold me hostage.

Hyperbolic metaphors of heaven and hell aside, my point is to be clear on exactly where you’re trying to get, and why. Caffeine has an unmatched hypnotizing ability. Here is someone explaining that caffeine was more addicting to them than heroin! Perhaps because being hooked on caffeine is a badge of normality, not shame. And that even telling your friends you quit caffeine may auto-enroll you into a debate you don’t really want to be in. Though I don’t think caffeine is anywhere near as harmful as heroin or nicotine, the risk of backsliding is everywhere. So know what your “heaven” looks like. Maybe it’s an idealized version of yourself, a level of energy you miss, or just whiter teeth. Your why should be vivid, personal, and reinforced throughout the bumpy ride of quitting caffeine.

Choose Your Approach

Now let’s get tactical. First, we need to re-acquaint ourselves with a first grade lesson we all struggled to incorporate — the Tortoise and the Hare. Should we proceed slowly, or fast? The immediate glory seems to await the Hare, and being tortoise seems boring, grueling, and unrewarding. But as someone who has tried both approaches, let me explain the match up.

learning lessons

• The Hare (cold turkey strategy): The way of the Hare involves a sudden stop. It’s an aggressive and glorious attempt to reclaim freedom from caffeine but it’s met with the most resistance. Here, withdrawal symptoms hit back hard so you need a strong chin. This path summons your valor, but so too your ego and impatience — both which are more fragile than you may estimate.
• The Tortoise (taper down strategy): The way of the Tortoise involves a gradual re-orienting. It’s a virtuous attempt to phase out caffeine while phasing in naturalness and wiser choices. Here, your biggest obstacle is impatience and the slippery slope of “just one more cup.” This path provides safer and more assured travel, but risks being ignored because of it’s length and attention required.

As a rule, if you can’t afford to function at below 40% (energy, focus, and mood levels) for up to three weeks, then you should probably taper down your caffeine intake. Otherwise, you’re risking an ugly backfiring. Going cold turkey is best fitted for those who don’t need to be “sharp” for a week or two or three. Even better for those who are not working at all. The beautiful thing about tapering down is that you minimize the harsh withdrawal symptoms. Imagine using a ladder to descend from a 200ft building. You avoid the unpredictable trauma of jumping down and you live to talk about it (in this case, you more likely succeed in quitting and staying off).

Know the Enemy

If you put your caffeine dependence under a microscope, you’ll see its architecture in full view. Entangled in this architecture are triggers. BJ Fogg, behavioral psychologist at Stanford, explains triggers as the “do it now” cue that tells us to perform a behavior. “Without a trigger, the target behavior will not happen.” Knowing this, we can take a closer look at the “enemy” and thwart its plans. Here are a few triggers to be aware of:

• Caffeine Withdrawal or the “crash”: The most common trigger is in fact a bundle of triggers — caffeine withdrawal. It feels like a “crash” and may have some or all of: brain fog, low energy, irritability, and apathy. This trigger promises us that if we just reach for another cup of coffee, then we can feel normal again. The best way to handle this trigger is to taper down so you aren’t hit as hard. You can also explore supplementing with Vitamin B, D or St. Johns Wort until you’re past this phase. Since chronic caffeine use causes deficiency in these vitamins, you may be surprised at how positively they help your mood and energy.
• I always consume caffeine when I do XYZ: Once you’re past the chemical dependence of caffeine, you’ll still have a lot of experiences and behaviors that you associate with consuming caffeine. Maybe Christmas is packed with memories of a warm cup of coffee or you’re so used to having coffee when you sit to study or do work. The hallmark sign of this type of trigger is that you don’t feel physically reliant on caffeine as much as you do psychologically. It’s critical to develop awareness into your own psychological triggers and spot the internal dialogue that crops up. Over time you’ll begin to see how weaved into your psyche this stimulant has been. The best method to unweave it is to bring constant awareness to these inner urges and to replace them with alternative responses. Watch yourself say “a coffee would be great with this muffin” and then respond by saying “I see the temptation, but I’m going to have a chamomile tea instead.” Customize accordingly.
• Stress: It’s a bizarre paradox that having stress can cause people to want more caffeine even though it increases stress (cortisol). Because caffeine also increases dopamine momentarily, it lends us a feeling that everything is alright. This is not so. It keeps you on the hamster wheel. Next time you see yourself trying to dampen your stress with even more stress, flush the stress out instead with a hike up the staircase, a long walk, or some sort of complementary movement. You may come to realize that you were consuming caffeine as a grand coping mechanism for these and other sorts of emotions. If that’s the case then you have a lot to gain than just being stimulant free!

By no means is this an exhaustive list but it covers the main categories. The key is to notice your triggers and then ask yourself “how else can I respond to this trigger” and “how can I avoid or reduce this trigger.” At times you’ll have to meet your trigger with empty space (do nothing), but that’s something that gets easier with time.

Besides Caffeine

Maybe you’re not meant to quit caffeine. Maybe you belong to a growing class of mutants that require both caffeine and oxygen to live.

In that case feel free to use this guide to root out some other bad habit. But the same rules apply. Be deliberate, know the endpoint, have a plan, and handle obstacles cunningly.

Whatever you decide to quit will only be the icing on the cake. That’s because being good at quitting bad habits is a super power. Mastering this means mastering the life skill of removing excess and baggage. Without this skill of editing things out, we’ll never be able to master the portrait of our lives and well being.