There’s a reason we all sorta hate going out.
And it’s not just the next morning.
Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room?
Last night I was surrounded by people. I even knew a few people there. Everyone stumbled with their mixed drinks and ran out to the dance floor so they could vibe to their mid-90’s hip-hop throwbacks. And for the first time, I found myself as that person sitting at the bar and just watching.
I was a little frustrated. My friend chose his phone screen over me. And when he looked up, the conversation was limp and lifeless. I’m not sure what came over me, but I just decided I was a little tired of forcing myself to try and have a good time. I was tired of forcing conversation.
So I threw my drink on a random table, said goodbye and walked out.
I plugged my iPhone into the aux, sped out of the parking lot and turned up Nicki Minaj’s “Chun-Li” so loud I could’ve competed with the bar. I was just so excited.
“Finally, I can just go home and fucking sleep”.
I’m pretty sure I’ve tried to force good nights out more than I’ve had good nights out. Or I’ve been asked the next day how it was only to give off a weak “it was nice!”.
It wasn’t nice. It was boring.
I stayed up all night so I haven’t slept. My allergies are flaring up because the alcohol made me hungry and the only thing open at 2 in the morning is a pizza shop. My wallet hurts and I’ve gotten pretty much nothing in return.
A cocktail of regret (puns, eh?). And I didn’t even have a good time.
There’s a certain point, I think, where you acknowledge that you don’t really need to go out or be with people or do much of anything to feel satisfied. You can actually, most of the time, play some board games with mixed drinks and a few friends and have an even better time.
Bonus: You can hear them and not the music blaring in the club. Without having to hear R. Kelly’s creepy music coming from the similarly creepy 40-year old DJ.
I’m about extroverted as they come, but I’m not extroverted enough to start running up to random people I don’t know. Or trying to create conversation when conversation is clearly not happening. Instead, I think, I just want to talk. To connect with myself or with my friends.
And I’m thinking going can keep us from that.
