The other side of friendship
I’m terrible at having friends, making them, keeping them, and randomly disappearing from the face of the earth. I hate responding to the question of how are you?
Because I’ve learned over time this question is used as commonly as, “hello.” Those three little words are attached to it and you better not respond how you really are. If you’re fucked up then just be like “hey, I’m fine.” People are already walking away after they stated those ridiculous three little words. I’ve responded with pure shit before and I get the cocked head to the side, mouth parting, of “oh…kay. Well, gotta go!”
That’s why friendship is hard for me. I always expect people not to care or just drift away. For some reason I collect friends that are impossible to get in contact with like I am. Those that you have a blast with and then you don’t hear from them for a week or two. You reach out or they do and it’s like the dial tone of a phone ringing endlessly.
Like draws in like, right?
I love getting to the nitty gritty, nougat of a human being. That little piece you never, ever get to see. What makes them tick, their ideas that are different from mine and how they can educate me on new things.
One of most female favorite friendships was with another INTJ. She got me in ways no one else ever understood, especially with someone the same gender as me.
We talked about the craziness of existing, personal experiences I’d never brought to the light with someone else in the room. She moved miles away and I still look back on the things we garnered from each other with a grin. I know there are people out there that want to understand someone at the base of who they are. That enjoy conversations that are complicated, complex, and last for hours.
Then the whole not seeing them for a week or two, or a month, because you just need to be on your own. Recharge without humanity or with a very limited touch within the inner chasm of people. They don’t send texts of are you still alive?
Because they are the same being, just from a different, fascinating path.
I don’t know how this friendship thing works. I’m learning as I keep pushing myself to keep connections. There’s that the little voice in my head that whispers for me to run. I try to calm it down with some rock music attached to my ears.
Find those people that get your kind of weird. And, continue the constant grinding of gears to try not to keep the hermit shell firmly rooted in place. Let a little crack of light in for them to see who you really are. Only if they’ve earned that extreme privilege, of course.
