A Week of Emotions
For my personal data story I decided to write about my emotions for a week’s worth of data collection. I decided to use this topic because most other activities or things about me aren’t really something that could yield a result since I don’t really stick to one task or activity very routinely. However, I am very emotionally driven and this is reflected more often in my day to day life. At the end of my Junior year in high school my Mother decided it was time to get me tested for a marker for the illness Lupus that runs in my family. I tested positive. From that point on I was sent to be checked for multiple things that could potentially “trigger” the marker on, and since Lupus does not yet have a cure my Mother was determined to make sure I took proper precautions. For my specific situation that meant getting me diagnosed for my ADD and my Anxiety/Depressive disorder, which was followed by me getting proper medication for each individually. Within the span of a year, I saw myself emotionally go through a lot of highs and lows, a lot of worries of this ghost of an illness that was like a ticking time bomb that could either go off at any point or never go off at all, but wasn’t worth the risk. I started taking more notice of the signs of lupus that were in my already diagnosed Sister and Mother. This made me even more paranoid, do not recommend it. Flash forward about 4 years, I am now 20, and two semesters away from graduating college. I am no longer on one of the medications I used to feel tied to because I found a way to live without need for it, but I still don’t think I could live sanely without one of them. I still go through ups and downs, but at one point I had to tell myself that everyone feels emotions and worries too, the difference is how I choose to let my body feel it and do away with it.
In the past week I realized… I feel a lot, sometimes too much and sometimes not at all. In the times I felt a lot it seemed as though my brain didn’t know what to focus on and just found ways to entertain itself with emotions. On the days where I didn’t change much in emotions as frequently, it was mostly because I was focused on an activity or an assignment of the day. I now see why my doctor told me that I’ll eventually find a way to live off of Antidepressants too the way I found a way to live without Amphetamines. In the case of my ADD, I simply graduated from my nightmare of an educational route that wasn’t right for me. My anxiety/depressive disorder is more tied to my current lack of independence, but hopefully soon that too will be left in my past, to allow my present more peace and stability. All this goes to say that this project taught me that my emotions will come and go quickly, and before I know it they’ll find constancy, just have to keep my mind from overthinking each day too harshly.
