The Will of a Troll

11–1–16, Adil

So, I bring you the story of Charles Vance Millar. This Canadian fellow was a lawyer and financier, but also a huge troll and practical jokester. The best example of this is his famous will, granting him a legacy only the best of trolls can hope for.

By the time he died in 1926, the dude had some moola stemming from his long-term investments. Most impressively, he turned a $2 investment in the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel into over $100,000. His estate kept increasing drastically over 10 years and was worth $750k when it was liquidated, and then its value kept increasing during a deflationary economic period. Atta bb.

The will had several ridiculous but legitimate components. Here they are:

1) Three men who were known to despise each other were granted joint lifetime tenancy in Millar’s vacation home in Jamaica.

2) Seven prominent Toronto Protestant ministers and temperance advocates (i.e. people fighting against drinking) were to receive $700,000 worth of O’Keefe Brewery stock, a Catholic business, if they participated in its management and drew on its dividends.

3) Three fervid anti-horse-racing advocates were to receive $25,000 worth of Ontario Jockey Club stock.

He had no direct family, so he enjoyed playing around with his will as such. However, some distant relatives of his were not happy about this — in fact, they tried to get these aspects declared invalid. However, Millar was a savvy lawyer, and he prepared his will with care so that it stood through 10 years of litigation. Eventually it got all the way up to the Supreme Court of Canada, where it was deemed valid.

Most famously and ridiculously, there was a final prize up for grabs. The task was named “The Great Stork Derby.” The rules? Whichever Toronto woman births the most children in the 10 years after his death gets $750k. Eleven families competed in the baby race, and ultimately a judge declared it a 4-way tie between families that all had 9 babies each in these 10 years. So they split most of the prize money evenly among these ladies.

Well played, Charles, well played. May we ever aspire to your level of trolliness.