I’ll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman’s Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer by Michelle McNamara
“Screaming that all the world is mad, that clues
Lead nowhere, or to walls so high their tops cannot be seen;
Screaming all day of war, screaming that nothing can be solved.”
— Weldon Kees, “Crime Club” (Epigraph)
Summing up this book hasn’t come easily. This post has taken over three months to accomplish due to the density of information, the weight of the subject, and the questions we are ultimately left with. Leaving things open-ended nowadays is a norm we’ve all gotten used to, but in this particular case, I’m saddened to face reality.
Michelle McNamara’s interest in crime sparked after a neighbor was murdered, and the case remained unsolved. She was fourteen and developing a taste for cold cases. Fast forward to 2012 and she’s in her daughter’s playroom at her laptop, scrolling through “a unique list of items *he* has stolen over the years.” He, of course, refers to the Golden State Killer, known earlier as the East Area Rapist.
As McNamara says, it does indeed take a lot of hubris to try and solve a case that multiple task forces and the FBI haven’t even been able to crack. But this is just one of the traits that will make you follow McNamara down into the pits of hell, the rivers that run through Hades, abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
300 pages later, there’s no joy to be had. We’ve earned small victories along the way but at what cost? The victims of over fifty sexual assaults and ten murders, their light snuffed out by the breath of a cowardly tyrant. And in the end, our steadfast leader lost to our side but gained by another one. Lucky them.
McNamara is a skilled amateur detective, no doubt, but she’s a better storyteller. Her voice rings clear and the scenes while brutal, are visceral and haven’t lifted their grip of my mind’s eye even now after almost a year from reading.
The maze we step into with McNamara isn’t a pleasant one. There are glimpses of humanity sprinkled here and there, but they’re only small remnants left over by an unknown monstrous man. It is cases like these that remind us that man too is animal and the hunt leaves prey on either side.
Rating: 4/5
The Genre: Non-Fiction, True Crime
The Season: Spring and Autumn come clearest to mind.
The Cast: Michelle McNamara, our steadfast light in the darkness. Accompanied by her team: Paul Haynes (aka the Kid), lead researcher, Billy Jensen, investigative journalist, Paul Holes, criminalist (Contra Costa County Sheriff’s Office), Fred Ray, detective (Santa Barbara County Sheriff’s Office), and Patton Oswalt, husband.
The Mood: Cold, Quiet, Uneasy
If it were a film: Zodiac (2007) with Fincher’s film direction, perfectly staging each scene. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) for the deep dive into the mind of a killer. Personal Shopper (2016) for the tense atmosphere of a never-ending search and looking for answers in everything we see and don’t see.
Films to watch to put you in a similar headspace: see above but also include “It Follows” (2014) and “Doubt” (2008).
