5 Ways You Can Use Your Unsold College Textbooks Today
“Jenna!”
Ugh. My mom was yelling at me to start going through some of the boxes I had in the garage from the time when I moved back home (millenial probz). Sure, I moved back a year and a half ago. But I was going to move out… Right? Right!
Just not yet though… (lazy/depression probz).
I made a pot of coffee and began unearthing shit I thought I wouldn’t ever have to deal with again. You know that feeling — when you box something up and think, ‘Goodbye forever. I’m a f*cking champ.’
That’s never the case though. You can put it in a coffin and bury it underneath a bunch of stuff in the garage — but you’re eventually going to have to deal with the ghost that hangs around and takes up space.
Especially when you’re mom is yelling at you about it.
In one of my boxes, I found a bunch of my old college textbooks. Psychology, Environmental Science, Writer’s Guidebook, American History 1877-Present (why was that the cutoff? Like, who thought 1877 would be a good year to split it up?).
I was sick when I saw these books and even more so when I saw a receipt stuffed inside one of them. Why didn’t I sell these back to the bookstore? Oh yeah — because the new edition came out the next year and they were essentially worthless.
So what was I going to do with them now? Clean? No way. Blog about it of course!
“God dammit, Jenna — get off your computer and clean those boxes now!”
— Mom
1.) Burn Them
I blog in the digital universe, but even this so called blogger thinks there’s something morally and ethically wrong about burning books.
But when you buy a book for $150 dollars, use it for literally four months and want to sell it back but are only offered $6.50, burning that book might be the right call.
Especially if it’s cold out (deep breath), and you’re a struggling Millennial who can’t get a job with a degree you blew a ton of money on (deep breath), so you can’t afford the heating bill so they shut off the heat to your apartment (deep breath), and it’s the middle of one of the chilliest winters in recent memory and you’re shivering under your sheets.
Then burning those overpriced books is definitely worth it. Light that shit up.
2.) Look Smart
Make sure you have a nice bottle of wine at hand and at least four nice wine glasses. Pour one for you and a plentiful helping to your three best guests and mosey on over to the bookshelf that’s placed perfectly in your gorgeous loft living room. 3.
“Oh, those books?” you’ll say as they begin to peruse through your bookshelf. “Those are just some light reading material I page through from time to time when I’m bored.”
Nailed it.
3.) Hide Stuff in Them
If you thought burning books was bad, how about shanking them and digging out their guts prison style? But don’t feel too bad, you’re still getting some good use out of them instead of turning them to ash.
Think of all the awesome things you can hide inside of these college relics — your booze, your weed stash, your secret love letters, your unpaid bills you don’t want to think about.
Have nothing to hide? When was the last time you made your parents, friends or that special someone a gift with your own hands? Probably not since grade school. Get in touch with your crafty roots and put those 4th Grade X-Mas making skills to use! You could even put a picture of yourself inside (aww).
4) Wrapping Paper
Do you know how much wrapping paper costs?! Seriously, if you don’t you need to look it up.
Instead of buying those festive rolls of paper that are just going to come off quicker than clothes at the end of the hot date, why not slap some pictures from Anatomy 101 on your gift? Picture the looks and knowledge your gift will give! Double gift!
5.) Write Letters With Them
With the amount of bold letters, weird words and number of letters in your text book, you could really put together quite the interesting letter. Think of how many weird sentences and themes you could write about by combining words from your psychology book with your American Politics class. Write your congressman!
Okay, so maybe not that one (if the FBI shows up at your door, you can’t blame me). But I’m sure there is someone you could send a letter to. A loved one? Old professor? Maybe the book’s manufacturer? Me?! I’d love a letter from you. Use the cut up technique (see, my degree paid off after all) and get in touch with your skills.
Bonus: Tissues
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