Glow (Grow) Up
Dream Prompt #2
“Franny…?” I turned at the sound of my name being called by a somewhat familiar voice. In a second, I was back to being 15: knees shaking, hands clammy and voice shaking.
“Ed…! How are you? It’s been a while!” was my reply, decorated with an unsure smile.
“Yeah, like… 20 years or so? What have you been up to?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. As I told him I had moved to the other side of the country and was in town just for a few days for my sister’s wedding, I felt his big green eyes glued to my face — then he interrupted my cascade of words.
“Gosh… You look great…” he said, in what must have been an inside thought, because he immediately felt the need to add “I mean… You have not aged a day, you look just the same.”
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, unsure how to handle a compliment that was not in agreement with my memories of our previous interactions. He must have noticed the storm cloud forming over my face, because suddenly there was sorrow in his gaze.
“How about you, what’s new?” I asked, trying to defuse the lurking tension. As he talked about his business, his divorce and moving back to our hometown, I felt my left cheek burning.
The same cheek he had caressed as I slept on his shoulder, on a school bus ride back from some field trip. The one time he had shown fondness towards me with other people around — and only because everybody else was asleep as well. The next day, I went back to being “Franny, the fatty”.
I am still fat. But he is right, I do look great. Self-love does wonders for your inner and outer beauty. As we say our goodbyes I walk away feeling sorry for him. Sorry that only now he sees the person that was always here. Sorry that he felt the need to put me down to fit in. Sorry that he looks at me and seeks a missed chance for happiness.
As for me, I am still not sorry for punching him in the face the last time he called me “Franny, the fatty.” I hope his left cheek still carries the emotional scar of my sort of impressive right hook.
If you are intrigued by what you just read, please make sure to read up on the why.
The actual dream
I dreamt about YouTuber Micarah Tewers. She was sitting on a sidewalk, between the legs of a boy, who had his arms over her shoulders. She seemed younger, and her teeth were crooked. Then we were back in the future and she was looking as she does now. Unsure if it was she or somebody else trying to show that sometimes people grow up and look a lot better than they did in their teens.
What do I think it means?
I think it speaks volumes of the way I relate to my own body. My weight has always been a problem and as a teen I was often mistreated for it. I did lose a lot of weight but gained some of it back during the pandemic. I have been experiencing moments of insecurity, so I think my dream just cast a light on that. Sort of like a bat signal, but for self-esteem.
What does the Internet think it means?
According to Journey Into Dreams, dreaming about broken teeth (closest I could find to crooked) “often symbolizes something else that is breaking in your life. (…) something important to you is literally falling apart. It can also mean that something needs your attention. ”.
However, dreaming “of white, straight, healthy teeth can mean you are confident or have recently done (or will do) something successfully. You may be feeling proud of an accomplishment or recent achievement.”
Since I had both type of teeth in my dream, I can only conclude that things will work out, but that I should keep an eye on myself — just in case.
Well, that is all for this week’s dream journal prompt, see you on the next Weaving Wednesday!
